*Saturday, May 16 - My first scary moment since starting treatment ended up with an emergency room visit. My fever spiked too high and I had to go to the ER to have lab work done to be sure I didn't have an infection. 2 and a half hours later, I was on my way home with great numbers, no infection, and a prescription for an antibiotic in case an infection was developing. Whew!
*Tuesday, May 19 - My first treatment of Taxol - starting the new chemo! Treatment #5 of 8! My oncologist informed me that 99% of people have no reaction to the preservative that this chemo is in. I prayed that I was in that 99%! I was! Hallelujah! Treatment went well and I was on my way home!
The next night (after the Neulasta shot), the pain began to set in. My regimen for pain management was 800mg of Ibuprofen, 3 hours later = 1000mg of Tylenol, 3 hours later = 800 of Ibuprofen, 3 hours later = 1000mg of Tylenol...repeat process. I also took Claritin and Zantac each twice a day. If the Ibuprofen and Tylenol didn't cut the pain, I had a prescription for Oxycodone. Fortunately, I didn't need that. The pain would have to get much worse for me to take that. I was managing but was getting disgusted when I counted the number of pills I took over the course of 3 days! On top of the pain, the shortness of breath was scary - I was literally gasping for breath several times. Walking 10 steps was exhausting. I developed the worst cough of my life, literally coughing until I gagged many times. Then the fevers set in. They weren't high enough for me to call in, but the cough was out of control.
*Tuesday, May 26 - I went to school and as soon as I got there, I called my nurse navigator, my "go to girl", Apryl. I described the cough to her, she talked to my oncologist and then called me back. I was ordered to get a chest x-ray. It was late afternoon until I got it done and my doctor had left for the day, so she would read it the next morning and let me know the results.
*Wednesday, May 27 - 102.7 temperature at 5:30 AM! I had no choice but to call in and head back to the ER! Ugh! Fever, chills, headache, shortness of breath...For the first time, I told Cole that "I felt like a cancer patient" and I cried because I never wanted to feel that way. It was so hard for me to ask him to get me a wheelchair because I couldn't walk a few steps without getting out of breath or feeling like I might fall because I was so weak. I was at an ultimate low and tried my hardest to think happy thoughts. I hated that feeling! I continuously apologized because I hated the fact that I was once again taking Cole away from his work. And unfortunately for him, it was the worst timing for him to be away from work. We're so grateful that his colleagues are so helpful and understanding! It makes it a bit less stressful for us, but it's still so difficult in so many ways.
I spent most of the day in the ER getting hydrated and having tests and scans done. Once again, everything was fine. No infection. My numbers were great! I was discharged with another prescription for an antibiotic.
Shortly after arriving home, I received a call from the Harrisburg Senators. Cole submitted an application to have my name appear on the their jerseys for their breast cancer awareness game on Saturday, August 15. They called to tell me that my name will be on their jerseys. I cried.
*Thursday, May 28 - I decided to take the day off and rest.
*Friday, May 29 - I was determined to go to school. I was so tired of sitting on the couch. I went to school for an hour and had to leave as I was way too weak and starting to develop another fever. I spent the day on the couch.
*Saturday, May 30 - A dear friend and colleague of mine, Chelsea was coming over with her husband that morning. Her husband, Tony, has a landscaping business and I asked him for a quote as Cole and I were not able to keep up with things outside the house. I love working outside and I physically haven't been able to be outside to do anything. Cole told me that he was going for coffee and taking Chance (our dog) along with him. Not more than a minute after Cole walked out the door, I heard a lot of noise. I thought it was coming from the TV and didn't pay much attention to it until it started getting louder. I muted the TV and realized that my name was being chanted. What in the world!?!?! I looked out the front door and saw a dump truck hauling my friends down our driveway! (Still makes me cry every time I picture it!) Dear God I have the best friends ever!!!! They all got together and planned this surprise for me. I'm still speechless. They are amazing! Even though 2 of them yelled at me to stay put when I tried to get up off the couch to give hugs! I was scared at what would happen if I didn't listen to them! Thanks Jenn and Leslie! I've learned my lesson!
*Sunday, May 31 - Cole and I went into my classroom to begin packing things away for the summer. I didn't know when I was going to make it back to school and I didn't want anyone else to have to worry about packing my stuff away and I had to prepare things for the last week of school. It was difficult to make lesson plans for the last week! But I had to be prepared! I am so grateful that he was able to help me. I hated sitting while I gave him instructions of where to put things. Being dependent is really difficult for me!
*Monday, June 1 - I still was not feeling up to par and decided to take another day off to rest. I actually made the decision to take off the remainder of the school year. A very hard decision for me to make, but I knew I had to think more about myself and my health. I was thankful I took the day off as my oncologist ordered more scans/tests for me as I still had a cough and fevers, but thankfully not as severe. I spent most of the day at Harrisburg Hospital getting a sonogram of my legs, chest x-ray, and a VQ scan (to check my lungs). She wanted to be sure there were no blood clots. Fortunately, everything was fine and I was on schedule to get my next chemo treatment the next day.
*Tuesday, June 2 - Cole had to be at work for an important event that evening/night. He left when the Benadryl began to kick in and my parents came to be with me during this treatment. Mom sat with me for awhile then went to the waiting room while the Benadryl worked. I was glad my parents were in the waiting room and were not witness to what happened next. As they began the Taxol treatment, I began having an allergic reaction to the preservative that the chemo is in. Remember how I was originally in the 99%? Yeah, well, that quickly changed! I was now actually in the less than 1% of people that react after the first treatment. It was definitely a scary moment. It became difficult for me to breathe. The heat I felt start in my chest and rush to my head was indescribable. The nurses said I was really red in the face/head. As soon as I began having a hard time breathing and felt hot, I said, "I feel hot. Help!" They immediately rushed to me, stopped the Taxol, and gave me a steroid to counteract everything. I am so thankful that I was able to call for help and that they were watching close by. It was hard to get the words out as anyone that has had Benadryl knows how that makes a person feel. I was so lethargic, but knew what was going on. Looking back, I feel like I should have been scared of the situation, but honestly, I wasn't too concerned. Maybe I wasn't fully aware of what was happening. This just goes to prove how much faith and trust I have in the people that are taking care of and treating me. They are nothing short of amazing!!!
As they were "working on me," I was barely able to open my eyes a few times. They gave me more Benadryl and that made me even more out of it. The one time I opened my eyes, Dr. Lee, my oncologist was standing in front of me. I smiled and said, "I'm sorry." Once again, I was the one causing the panic/action at the cancer center. Go figure! I kept my humor through it all. Needless to say, I was not able to get chemo this day. I had to come back the next day since my magnesium level was so low. Dr. Lee wanted to run labs to be sure my level went back up and stayed up.
*Wednesday, June 3 - To my surprise, I felt REALLY good on this day! This was the best I had felt for several days! I went to the cancer center, had blood drawn, and was able to go home when my labs came back with great news! Dr. Lee said she would be in contact to let me know what the next step was for chemo.
*Thursday, June 4 - I made the decision to go to school today for a half day. The children were leaving at 1:00 and I knew I could make it through the afternoon. That only left an hour for me with the children and the rest of the time I would be working in my classroom. I did well and made it through the afternoon! So of course I was planning to do the same thing Friday afternoon! How could I miss their last day of school!?!
Dr. Lee called me that evening to inform me that she discussed my case at a conference and was interested in pursuing the Taxol with desensitization - meaning lots of pre-treatment to avoid the reaction. She asked me how I felt about that and I admitted that it scared me, but I completely trusted her and the decision. She was in contact with another doctor to get her opinion and after hearing back from this doctor, she called me back to let me know that I would no longer receive Taxol. I would now get Abraxane...weekly...for 9 more weeks. I have now been set back a little over a month and will not have surgery as scheduled in July. I was looking forward to getting my last chemo treatment on June 30. It will now be August 4. I'm saddened by how far this put me back, but I have no choice. It is what it is and I will do what I need to do. I have to focus on me and kicking this for good.
*Friday, June 5 - It was a sad day! When I heard a student say, "You were the best teacher ever, even though you weren't here for a lot of it!" it broke my heart. I know I missed several days, especially at the end of the year, but at that moment, it hit hard. I fought tears. This was an amazing group of children and I was so sad that I had to end the school year with them, especially in this manner. They will never know what they helped me accomplish and how they helped me get through these past several months. Yes, it was stressful keeping up with school work and managing my health, but it gave me something to look forward to. It will be nice not having to worry about getting plans done, not knowing if I will be able to go to school, preparing for substitutes just in case, etc. But...
Even more difficult than the side effects of the chemo and even the allergic reaction I had was missing out on the special events at my school. I missed our field trip, field day, race for education, behavior rewards, underwater reading adventure, and our 5th grade graduation. I'm sure there was more that I missed, but these are the biggies. Yes, our school is absolutely amazing and we go out of our way to be sure our students (and staff) have the time of their lives! I tried not to let my mind think about what I was missing. Instead, I tried to think about the fun times that I knew the children were experiencing. I love to be involved in school activities and more importantly, being right there with the children! Not being there with them was more difficult than I could imagine! Looking at pictures that people posted on Facebook and shared through texts and email was so hard. I was so happy to see the pictures, but you can only imagine the hurt. I believe what made it hurt so much is the fact that I spent so many years of my life having to miss out on fun things due to a health condition. And to be missing out on fun things yet again to due a health condition is unbearable! Once I get through this, I vow to never miss out on such things again due to health issues! Emotionally, it is awful! It hurts worse than most physical pain!
And so round 2 begins - again! Prayers for a successful treatment this coming Tuesday! And for the next 8 Tuesdays!
So much for keeping it short! Ha!
Thank you all again so very much for your kind words, thoughts, prayers, help, cards, gifts, and most importantly, love! I definitely hit some lows throughout the past couple of weeks, but I've bounced back and am ready to roll! This is a tough battle, but I've got this! I promise!
