In my last post, I asked for continued prayers - extra prayers. A few hours after having my CT scan done for radiation on Friday, October 16, Dr. Wilson-Dagar, my radiation oncologist called me to inform me that there was an "area of concern" found on the scan. Panic mode! This was my second scare since ending chemo just 3 short months ago. She said that the area was under my right arm, near where the large, cancerous lymph node was. She had already discussed this "area" with my surgeon, Dr. Barton and I was scheduled for an ultrasound 4 days later and a possible biopsy if needed. The next day was the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk on City Island. I was very emotional just because of what the walk was all about, but also because in the back of my mind lingered what could be. It was during this walk that I overcame the "what could be" and knew that everything was going to be okay, no matter what. I went for my ultrasound Tuesday, October 20 (yep, I had to take off school already after just returning). I was not comfortable leaving that appointment as the doctor reading the ultrasound said, "It's definitely an enlarged lymph node but it looks okay. Let's monitor it and we'll get you back in here in 6 months to check it out. Okay?" Um, NO! NOT OKAY! I was diagnosed with stage 3c breast cancer. Definitely not okay. I was planning to ask my surgeon for a biopsy if she was not going to order it. I received a call that afternoon from Dr. Barton. I was scheduled for another biopsy the next day. I thanked her! That Friday, October 23, I received a call stating that my biopsy was negative! No cancer!!! Praise God!!!
One of the most emotional experiences of my life happened Sunday, October 25 at Giant Center in Hershey, PA at the Hershey Bears game. I was asked if I would do a ceremonial puck drop in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness at their Pink the Rink night. There was no way I was turning that down! It was very difficult holding back the tears that wanted to flow down my cheeks while walking to center ice and listening to the broadcaster announce my diagnosis and treatments I have been through to 9,198 people. It was impossible to hold them back when those 9,198 people stood up cheered and clapped for me. I didn't do this just for me, it was for everyone that has battled or is battling this awful disease, supporters, families, and caregivers included. Enjoy the pictures! All pictures are courtesy of family, friends, and Just Sports Photography.
I was so thankful to be able to have my rock by my side!
Radiation began Monday, October 26 and is continuing to go very well. I have completed 20 treatments with 9 more to go. I have some burning and the fatigue is setting in. I can barely keep my eyes open each evening and often end up taking a nap. Again, I can't complain! My radiation oncologist, nurse, and rad techs are amazing! I love Pinnacle Health!!!
Yes, my hair is growing! Cole takes pictures of my head every Sunday. Enjoy the pictures! There is one picture from each of the past 8 weeks.
As I continue to type, I keep thinking to what I really wanted to write about this time. The truth. The truth about how I really am doing. The truth about my feelings, physical status, and so many other things. I've daydreamed about what I would share with you. I've shared a lot already, but there is sooooo much more. It's difficult to write about this. It's really, really, really difficult. I'm more than willing to share this part, but just not sure why I can't yet. I'm not afraid. Not afraid of it making me look weak. Not afraid of people knowing exactly what I went and am going through. The only answer I have is what I keep telling my doctors and everyone I come in contact with. I don't want it to feel like I am complaining. I see and hear of soooo many others going through a much more difficult journey than I have.
So here goes...It's an attempt, but I know it won't be what I originally envisioned and intended to write.
As I've stated before, when you ask me how I'm doing, I say I'm doing well. Why? Well, because I am. I'm a survivor! I conquered one of the worst things in this world. I honestly believe that my mind hasn't grasped exactly what that means. (Good Lord! The tears are running down my face! This is harder to write than I thought it would be. But I'm going to try to continue...)
Here's where I had a lot written and I couldn't fight the urge as I reread it all. I deleted it. I deleted all of it. Maybe next time...
I just felt like I was complaining and I cannot bring myself to do that.
This was my attempt, but not my failure.
But remember, I'm doing well.
I finally put some of my feelings into words and have put more out there than I ever have. But believe me, there's much more. I just can't write any more. I'm cried out for the day and the pain in my fingers, hands, wrists, and arms are forbidding me to write any more.
My journey is far from over. I will continue to fight on as I continue treatment and surgeries. As always, I cannot thank you enough for all of your love, support, and prayers. As we approach Thanksgiving, I think about all that I am thankful for. This year, the list has grown immensely. I am, of course, so thankful for surviving. But I'm so thankful that I have been given a new perspective on life. I take more time to enjoy the little things. I see things differently. I encourage all of you to do the same and wish for you to encourage others to do the same. Think about what is really worth complaining about. Smile more. Say hello to people that pass by you. Compliment someone. Be thankful! Realize how blessed you are! I feel I have always been appreciative. But I realize it now more than ever!
