My Attempt...

Time flies!  I can't believe how long it is now between posts.  But here's the latest...
In my last post, I asked for continued prayers - extra prayers.  A few hours after having my CT scan done for radiation on Friday, October 16, Dr. Wilson-Dagar, my radiation oncologist called me to inform me that there was an "area of concern" found on the scan.  Panic mode!  This was my second scare since ending chemo just 3 short months ago.  She said that the area was under my right arm, near where the large, cancerous lymph node was.  She had already discussed this "area" with my surgeon, Dr. Barton and I was scheduled for an ultrasound 4 days later and a possible biopsy if needed.  The next day was the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk on City Island.  I was very emotional just because of what the walk was all about, but also because in the back of my mind lingered what could be.  It was during this walk that I overcame the "what could be" and knew that everything was going to be okay, no matter what.  I went for my ultrasound Tuesday, October 20 (yep, I had to take off school already after just returning).  I was not comfortable leaving that appointment as the doctor reading the ultrasound said, "It's definitely an enlarged lymph node but it looks okay.  Let's monitor it and we'll get you back in here in 6 months to check it out. Okay?"  Um, NO! NOT OKAY!  I was diagnosed with stage 3c breast cancer.  Definitely not okay.  I was planning to ask my surgeon for a biopsy if she was not going to order it.  I received a call that afternoon from Dr. Barton.  I was scheduled for another biopsy the next day.  I thanked her!  That Friday, October 23, I received a call stating that my biopsy was negative!  No cancer!!!  Praise God!!! 

One of the most emotional experiences of my life happened Sunday, October 25 at Giant Center in Hershey, PA at the Hershey Bears game.  I was asked if I would do a ceremonial puck drop in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness at their Pink the Rink night.  There was no way I was turning that down!  It was very difficult holding back the tears that wanted to flow down my cheeks while walking to center ice and listening to the broadcaster announce my diagnosis and treatments I have been through to 9,198 people.  It was impossible to hold them back when those 9,198 people stood up cheered and clapped for me.  I didn't do this just for me, it was for everyone that has battled or is battling this awful disease, supporters, families, and caregivers included.  Enjoy the pictures!  All pictures are courtesy of family, friends, and Just Sports Photography.

I was so thankful to be able to have my rock by my side!

Radiation began Monday, October 26 and is continuing to go very well. I have completed 20 treatments with 9 more to go.  I have some burning and the fatigue is setting in.  I can barely keep my eyes open each evening and often end up taking a nap.  Again, I can't complain!  My radiation oncologist, nurse, and rad techs are amazing!  I love Pinnacle Health!!!  

Yes, my hair is growing!  Cole takes pictures of my head every Sunday.  Enjoy the pictures!  There is one picture from each of the past 8 weeks.

As I continue to type, I keep thinking to what I really wanted to write about this time.  The truth.  The truth about how I really am doing.  The truth about my feelings, physical status, and so many other things.  I've daydreamed about what I would share with you.  I've shared a lot already, but there is sooooo much more.  It's difficult to write about this.  It's really, really, really difficult.  I'm more than willing to share this part, but just not sure why I can't yet.  I'm not afraid.  Not afraid of it making me look weak.  Not afraid of people knowing exactly what I went and am going through.  The only answer I have is what I keep telling my doctors and everyone I come in contact with.  I don't want it to feel like I am complaining.  I see and hear of soooo many others going through a much more difficult journey than I have. 
So here goes...It's an attempt, but I know it won't be what I originally envisioned and intended to write.
As I've stated before, when you ask me how I'm doing, I say I'm doing well.  Why?  Well, because I am.  I'm a survivor!  I conquered one of the worst things in this world.  I honestly believe that my mind hasn't grasped exactly what that means.  (Good Lord!  The tears are running down my face!  This is harder to write than I thought it would be.  But I'm going to try to continue...) 

Here's where I had a lot written and I couldn't fight the urge as I reread it all.  I deleted it.  I deleted all of it.  Maybe next time...

I just felt like I was complaining and I cannot bring myself to do that. 

This was my attempt, but not my failure.

But remember, I'm doing well.  

I finally put some of my feelings into words and have put more out there than I ever have.  But believe me, there's much more.  I just can't write any more.  I'm cried out for the day and the pain in my fingers, hands, wrists, and arms are forbidding me to write any more.

My journey is far from over.  I will continue to fight on as I continue treatment and surgeries.  As always, I cannot thank you enough for all of your love, support, and prayers.  As we approach Thanksgiving, I think about all that I am thankful for.  This year, the list has grown immensely.  I am, of course, so thankful for surviving.  But I'm so thankful that I have been given a new perspective on life.  I take more time to enjoy the little things.  I see things differently.  I encourage all of you to do the same and wish for you to encourage others to do the same.  Think about what is really worth complaining about.  Smile more.  Say hello to people that pass by you.  Compliment someone.  Be thankful!  Realize how blessed you are!  I feel I have always been appreciative.  But I realize it now more than ever!

Back to School!

I finally go back to school tomorrow, October 19!  I'm very excited...very excited to meet my students, to see everyone, and to get my life back in some sort of routine and normalcy.  
So, while I've been off work (school), here's what I've been doing - doctor's appointments with my breast surgeon, my plastic surgeon, my oncologist, physical therapist, and my radiation oncologist.  Oh, and I had appointments with my optometrist, my dentist, my primary care physician, and my acupuncturist.  I had some down time, but I felt like I was always at some doctor's appointment.  In that down time, or more like during my periods of insomnia, I binge-watched Scandal.  I admittedly also did some school work.  
Let me back up and tell you about my doctor's appointments.  One week after surgery, my pain pump and 1 of my 3 drains were removed.  One week later, I had the other 2 drains removed.  So happy to have them out!  Even better, I never felt them coming out!  I had my first expansion 1 week after surgery and quickly realized that it was too soon to have that done!  Ouch!  It's a neat process that I won't go into detail describing, but let's just say that I'm so glad the nerves don't exist in my breasts, or what used to be my breasts!  I'd rather not feel that large needle!  Expansion, or fills, aren't that bad.  My chest gets a bit tight, but muscle relaxers help.  I don't have pain with my expanders, just tightness from time to time.  I have a lot of skin irritation, though.  Everything is going well in regards to my incisions healing, no lymphedema (swelling), and expansion.  
I began hormone therapy about 3 weeks ago.  One of my next surgeries will be removing my ovaries.  I want to get through radiation before having that done, so it's a shot once a month for me to shut those babies down.  My cancer was estrogen-fed, thus the reason for needing/wanting this surgery.  I'm taking Exemestane daily to aide in this process of blocking estrogen.  It's a newer medicine as most patients take Tamoxifen.  I hear the side effects of Tamoxifen are rough.  I'm definitely having side effects, but I don't believe they are as bad as what they could be.  Can't say I'm thrilled about all of the hot flashes, body aches, pain, and sick feeling in my stomach every morning, but, I've heard worse.  As of now, I've agreed to stay on this medication...for the next 10 years!  
I've been cleared to have my port removed!!!  Another surgery to be scheduled, but no idea when.
I was supposed to have simulation for radiation (getting me marked and ready) on Friday, October 2.  I needed more expansion and more mobility in my right arm, so I was referred for physical therapy and rescheduled for simulation 2 weeks later.  Fortunately, I had simulation on Friday, October 16.  I'm ready to start radiation on Monday, October 26.  I will definitely have 24 treatments, possibly 29.
I appreciate the love, support, and prayers.  I ask for continued prayers for some uncertainties.  I choose to not go into detail at this time regarding this.  I continue to keep my positive attitude and high spirits!

Now for the fun stuff!
Here are pictures from the "I'm Bald and Beautiful" fashion show hosted by Pink Hands of Hope!  Cancer survivors were part of a fashion show.  During our walk, Alicia Richards from abc27 news read our story (our journey).  

Alicia Richards, Brian (owner of Pink Hands of Hope), and me 

Me during my walk in the fashion show

Dr. Lee (my oncologist), me, and Dr. Barton (my breast surgeon)

Supporting all survivors at the fashion show!

Here's one of my favorite pictures!  It was taken at Wildwood, NJ.  Cole and I were there for his sister's wedding last weekend.  I had no idea that I would be brought to tears while this picture was being taken.

These next pictures were taken during the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk yesterday (October 17) in Harrisburg, PA.  I was so happy to see my doctors and staff from Pinnacle Health!!  It was such a great time!  My team, Wendy's Warriors, had 20 walkers and we raised $1505.00!  It was very emotional at times, especially when the walk started as they played Rachel Platten's Fight Song.  I cannot listen to that song.  It doesn't just make me cry.  I bawl!  And when they played it yesterday, I bawled!  

 Wendy's Warriors!

Thank you to those that donated and joined our team!

I'm very proud to say that I made it the entire 3 miles!  I finished the race...in more ways than one!!!

So, where am I now?  I continue physical therapy.  I'm doing well on the right side of my body, but my left needs some work.  I continue to have difficulty raising and using that arm.  It will get better!

I'm hoping that all goes as planned and I start radiation on the 26th.  When radiation is over, I will continue expansion and prepare for the exchange surgery, but that is months away.  It's so nice to get through each phase of this journey.  But I've quickly learned that once you get through one phase and turn the corner, something else is waiting for you and you have no down time in between phases.  I've had no breaks since diagnosis and there are no breaks in sight for me for quite awhile.  But most continue to reassure me that the worst (chemo) is over.  So far, I agree.  It truly is such a long, emotional journey.  I pray that all of the pink this month raises awareness and everyone, not just women, are doing what they can to prevent going through what I have.  Remember, men get breast cancer, too.  

CANCER FREE!!!!!

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you" used to be the best words someone (Cole) has ever said to me.  They are still absolutely fantastic, don't get me wrong, but when your surgeon looks at you and says "CANCER FREE," you know those are the absolute best words ever!!!  September 1, 2015 - the day I was declared cancer free!!!  Yes, the tears were rolling and they still do!!

August 15, 2015 - Harrisburg Senators Paint the Park Pink Night

My family and Cole's family had a wonderful time at this game.  Cole and I went on the field prior to the game.  It was a touching moment.  It was neat seeing my name on the jersey.  Definitely brought on another "moment".

August 25, 2015 - My parents met us at our house and we arrived at the hospital right on time, 7:30 AM.  As I approached the machine to take a number, I told my family that it would be so cool if I got the same number as I did when I had my port put in.  Low and behold...

I was double 0 7 again!  #bondchic

It wasn't long until I was called back to pre-op and all of the pre-op procedures began.  Not one nervous feeling.  I thought the nerves would set in by this time, but honestly, they never did!  I was too excited and anxious to have the surgery.  

My surgery time was set for 9:30.  Well, 9:30 came and went quickly.  The surgery before mine was running over.  I was worried about that patient and prayed that they were ok.  It was after 12:00 some time when my anesthesiologist, Dr. Later (yep - not making that up), came in to see me.  He apologized for being late, made the jokes about being late and his name, and ran through all of the important information.  We had a good time carrying on and I told him about the text I sent out: "Laying on the OR table, 1 off, 1 to go".  I wanted him to know what he was dealing with!  Dr. Barton then came in to go over everything with me.  She marked the side that she would be removing lymph nodes from with her initials.  I told her, "Had I known that I could write on myself, I would've written bye-bye across my chest".  Dr. Barton already knows what she's dealing with!  Ha!  But I was still worried about her first patient so I made sure to ask if everything was ok.  Dr. Barton was happy that I was concerned about her patient and not upset that my surgery was running very late.  Fortunately, her patient was okay.  There just wasn't enough time booked for that surgery.

I received many texts that morning wishing me the best.  I thank you all for those as it meant so much reading them while I waited.  My colleagues at school sent me well wishes in their prettiest pink colors.

Around 1:00, my anesthesiologist and his assistant came to get me to take me to the OR.  Woo hoo!!!  Still no nerves!  My parents, Cole's mom, and Cole all kissed me and wished me the best!  One of the doctors said he was giving me a sedative to keep me calm.  I told him I didn't need it as I wasn't the least bit nervous.  He gave it to me anyway and I certainly felt it kick in as he was wheeling me down the hall.  I barely remember that trip.  I don't remember scooting onto the OR table, but I do remember them telling me to put my arms out to my sides and the oxygen mask being put on my face.  The next thing I knew, about 7 hours later, I was listening to people that were helping me get settled in my room.  I was in and out of sleep and remember very little of what I was saying and doing for the next several hours.  But I remember Cole telling me that everything went very well for both surgeries.  He told me that Dr. Barton said her surgery went even better than expected!  

Enjoy some pictures...

 Pre-op

 My cousin was watching Chance until I got home.

Letting everyone know I was doing well!

I was in the best of care at West Shore hospital!  Many, many thanks to everyone there!  Many thanks to Cole and my parents that took turns staying with me while I was in the hospital.  And much appreciation to my cousins that came to visit me while I was in there.  My apologies for not being very coherent!  They were some good meds!  :-) 

I also received some very beautiful flowers while I was in the hospital and shortly after coming home.

You know you're a super fan when your favorite team sends you flowers!!

Thank you, Hershey Bears!!!

My time in the hospital went very quickly and I was back home around 9:00 Thursday night - 2 days after surgery.  You would think that a double mastectomy would be very painful, especially having expanders put in under the breast tissue for immediate reconstruction.  Honestly, the pain hasn't been bad at all.  I have a lot of tightness across my chest more than anything.  I had a few muscle spasms, but I really can't feel anything on or in my chest.  You see, they took most of the nerves when doing the surgery, hence, not having much pain.  I also had a pain pump that put numbing medicine in my chest for several days.  My plastic surgeon removed that Monday, 6 days after surgery.  

1 week after my surgery, I met with Dr. Barton.  She informed me that surgery went very well.  She believes that the cancer was in me for years before it was discovered.  She also stated that before chemo I was stage 3c.  After chemo, she believes I was stage 2a.  Chemo worked!!!  And it worked more than they thought it ever would!!  She informed me that the cancer was gone.  I asked her, "Cancer free?"  She looked at me, smiled and said, "Cancer free!"  She walked over and gave me a big hug as I began to cry.

The next day, I received a phone call from Amy, from the Hershey Bears.  After congratulating me on the great news of being cancer free, she asked me if I would be interested in doing a ceremonial puck drop at the Breast Cancer awareness game on Sunday, October 25.  Wow!  I obviously committed!  I can't wait!  What a privilege to represent those dealing with and those that have dealt with breast cancer!!!

So now the healing continues.  I'm doing very well!  Anxiously awaiting the next step.  I will have some expansion done and then radiation will start.  

As always, thank you so very much for your continued prayers and support!!!  They're definitely working!!!  Love to you all!!!

Chemo Complete!!!

It's so hard to believe how quickly time is passing!  The world stood still when I was diagnosed.  Time truly flew by during treatment and I couldn't be more thankful that it did!  It's been over a month since my last post and I have great news!!!
The unfortunate news is that neuropathy (numbness, tingling, and pain) set in and I was unable to receive my last 2 treatments.  The neuropathy isn't horrible, but it's too widespread and too severe to continue treatment, so July 21st was my last treatment - 1 day after my 38th birthday!!!  I was disappointed that I couldn't finish treatment, but it wasn't a huge concern for my oncologist since it was only 2 treatments.  In a way, I feel like I didn't meet a goal. 

I had a PET scan on Monday, August 3rd.  I wasn't worried about this one.  I was excited for the results.  I met with my oncologist on August 4th and she went over the results of the PET scan with Cole and I.  Great news!!!  Nothing "lit up like a Christmas tree"!  No signs of cancer!  But that doesn't mean that there still isn't some little specks remaining there.  It just isn't detectable on this scan.  And right after she explained the great news, I heard it.  The word you don't want to hear...  "But..."  NO!!!!  I just wanted to celebrate the great news.  Give me the "but" on a different day.  Her words, "There is something that showed up on your liver.  I'm sending you for an MRI."  Seriously!?!  I'm so thankful that she's so thorough!  I had such a an awful time trying to celebrate the good news because this was lingering.  I had to wait nearly a week.  On Monday, August 10th, the technician doing the MRI walked over to me and said, "I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be looking for on this, but everything is clear.  Your liver is fine."  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!  He reminded me that he wasn't the expert reading the scans, but he should easily see something if there was something wrong with my liver.  I was so relieved!!!  Dr. Lee called me that evening to verify that the results of my MRI were clear!  Nothing wrong with my liver!  
I met with my surgeon today.  My surgery is scheduled for August 25, the first day of school.  I'm super excited for my surgery, but super saddened that it's on the first day of school.  It's been a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, scans, and tests, with more to come prior to surgery, but it's all good this time around.  I'm not stressing and worrying.  I'm excited!  
It is such a relief to be done with chemotherapy.  I know I went through a lot with that, but time really did pass quickly.  I recently reflected on exactly what all I went through.  I still choose not to complain about physical side effects.  There are so many others out there that have experienced far worse symptoms than I have.  I can't complain, even though my doctors tell me otherwise.  The physical side effects were rough.  I'm still experiencing a few, but I know that most will soon subside.  But I also know that it could take a year for the neuropathy to disappear.  I made a list of all of the physical side effects I experienced.  36.  That includes some of them grouped together.  For example, neuropathy is actually 3 things, but I only counted it as 1.  And these are only the physical.  I didn't list the social and emotional side effects.  Regardless of what I experienced, I realized how strong I truly am.  Going through chemo isn't an easy thing!  But it sure did benefit me!  I pray I never have to do that again!
So, moving forward...I'm looking forward to surgery and the moment when my doctors tell me I am cancer-free!  I've cried many tears for so many different reasons throughout all of this, but I know that I will bawl like a baby when they tell me those magical words!  I'm so ready!!!

Looking ahead!

Wow!  Time has really passed quickly since my last post!  I hope it continues to go just as fast!  I'm sure I'm the only teacher right now wishing that summer passes so quickly!  I'm actually ready for next summer to be over!  You'll discover why as you read through this post.

I am now 5 treatments in on the new chemo, Abraxane.  It's not a common chemo that patients receive.  And to be honest, I believe I may be the only patient receiving this kind in the center at this time.  But I'm so thankful for this kind as I'm doing so much better on this kind than the Taxol!  No fever, no chills, no cough!!!  Some pain from time to time and my white blood cell count has dropped twice, but not enough that I haven't been able to receive treatment.  To get my count up, (2 weeks ago and this week), I get a shot of Neupogen the next 2 days after treatment.  No biggie!  They could cause me more pain, but I'm fortunate that I haven't really had an increase in pain.  I pray that goodness continues! 

The worst part about this new chemo is the fact that it's weekly and has extended my treatment.  I will now receive a treatment every Tuesday through August 4th.  I only have 4 treatments remaining!  Woo hoo!!!!  #chemocountdown  26 days!!!
June 30 was a bittersweet day as it was originally going to be my last treatment day for chemo had I remained on Taxol.  With that being said, I'm soooooo thankful to be off Taxol and on Abraxane.  I couldn't handle the side effects Taxol was giving me.  For those of you reading this that made it through the Taxol treatments without the side effects, you are so fortunate and I'm so jealous!  

I'm so ready for the next step in ridding my body of this cancer!  And that next step is surgery - a bilateral mastectomy.  At this time, my surgery is scheduled for Thursday, September 10.  I can't wait!!!  As you may remember, I was anxious to start chemotherapy, too.  Why?  It's getting me closer to getting me healthy!  And of course, becoming a SURVIVOR!!!  I'm so ready for surgery because I can't wait for my doctors to tell me that the cancer is gone!  My ultimate goal!  But of course, I have to prepare myself for the fact that they may not be able to get it all.  I originally had 4 spots.  I won't know how much remains until my PET scan (August 3rd).  2 of the 4 spots are inoperable due to their location, so hopefully the chemo has gotten rid of them and the radiation will totally finish them off.  I'm not worried about the spot on my right breast as that will be removed in surgery.  The mass under my arm I believe will be the most troublesome to remove, especially if it's still attached to nerves.  But I continue to remain nothing but positive!!!

Even after surgery, I have a very long road ahead of me.  And I'm not just talking about the recovery.  I will have radiation after that (5 days a week for 5-8 weeks - the time period is all yet to be determined), I will need physical therapy, and hormone therapy.  Oh, and the reason I'm ready for next summer to be over with, I'll need at least 1 more surgery to complete the reconstruction process.  I plan to do that next summer.  I unfortunately have to take at least 6 weeks off school this year for the first surgery.  If at all possible, I don't want to have to take off again for another surgery.  It's difficult to think of another summer spent healing, but it will be so worth it!

Overall, I'm doing as well as can be expected.  The worst side effect is losing taste.  It lasts about 2 days and can be very rough/frustrating.  My oldest nephew told me today to suck on a lemon.  I told him that I believe I could eat the whole thing and it wouldn't phase me.  I am not a lemon fan!

I'm ready for the next 4 weeks (4 treatments) to pass.  I'm thrilled that I get to start the school year, even if it's only for 11 days!  And I'm ready to get out of the house for more than a few hours!  Cole and I are headed to Arlington, VA tomorrow!  We go to the Washington Capitals Rookie Development camp every summer.  We were contemplating skipping it this year due to my health, but we just need to get away!  And we need our summer hockey fix!  So this is our summer trip!  While so many are enjoying their beach trips, we'll be visiting the ice rink!  I'm totally fine with that!

I ask that you say a prayer for a friend that was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  She's a beautiful girl with a beautiful family and a beautiful soul!  I know that she will be fine and will also get through this.  But we all know that prayer is powerful and can only help her and her family.  I hope and pray that I can help make her journey just a bit easier. 

As always, thank you for your continued support and thank you for continuing my journey with me!  I'm kickin' this! 

Highs and Lows

A lot has happened since my last post.  I'll try to keep it short!

*Saturday, May 16 - My first scary moment since starting treatment ended up with an emergency room visit.  My fever spiked too high and I had to go to the ER to have lab work done to be sure I didn't have an infection.  2 and a half hours later, I was on my way home with great numbers, no infection, and a prescription for an antibiotic in case an infection was developing.  Whew!

*Tuesday, May 19 - My first treatment of Taxol - starting the new chemo!  Treatment #5 of 8!  My oncologist informed me that 99% of people have no reaction to the preservative that this chemo is in.  I prayed that I was in that 99%!  I was!  Hallelujah!  Treatment went well and I was on my way home!
The next night (after the Neulasta shot), the pain began to set in.  My regimen for pain management was 800mg of Ibuprofen, 3 hours later = 1000mg of Tylenol, 3 hours later = 800 of Ibuprofen, 3 hours later = 1000mg of Tylenol...repeat process.  I also took Claritin and Zantac each twice a day.  If the Ibuprofen and Tylenol didn't cut the pain, I had a prescription for Oxycodone.  Fortunately, I didn't need that.  The pain would have to get much worse for me to take that.  I was managing but was getting disgusted when I counted the number of pills I took over the course of 3 days!  On top of the pain, the shortness of breath was scary - I was literally gasping for breath several times.  Walking 10 steps was exhausting.  I developed the worst cough of my life, literally coughing until I gagged many times.  Then the fevers set in.  They weren't high enough for me to call in, but the cough was out of control.

*Tuesday, May 26 - I went to school and as soon as I got there, I called my nurse navigator, my "go to girl", Apryl.  I described the cough to her, she talked to my oncologist and then called me back.  I was ordered to get a chest x-ray.  It was late afternoon until I got it done and my doctor had left for the day, so she would read it the next morning and let me know the results.

*Wednesday, May 27 - 102.7 temperature at 5:30 AM!  I had no choice but to call in and head back to the ER!  Ugh!  Fever, chills, headache, shortness of breath...For the first time, I told Cole that "I felt like a cancer patient" and I cried because I never wanted to feel that way.  It was so hard for me to ask him to get me a wheelchair because I couldn't walk a few steps without getting out of breath or feeling like I might fall because I was so weak.  I was at an ultimate low and tried my hardest to think happy thoughts.  I hated that feeling!  I continuously apologized because I hated the fact that I was once again taking Cole away from his work.  And unfortunately for him, it was the worst timing for him to be away from work.  We're so grateful that his colleagues are so helpful and understanding!  It makes it a bit less stressful for us, but it's still so difficult in so many ways.
I spent most of the day in the ER getting hydrated and having tests and scans done.  Once again, everything was fine.  No infection.  My numbers were great!  I was discharged with another prescription for an antibiotic.

Shortly after arriving home, I received a call from the Harrisburg Senators.  Cole submitted an application to have my name appear on the their jerseys for their breast cancer awareness game on Saturday, August 15.  They called to tell me that my name will be on their jerseys.  I cried.

*Thursday, May 28 - I decided to take the day off and rest.

*Friday, May 29 - I was determined to go to school.  I was so tired of sitting on the couch.  I went to school for an hour and had to leave as I was way too weak and starting to develop another fever.  I spent the day on the couch.

*Saturday, May 30 - A dear friend and colleague of mine, Chelsea was coming over with her husband that morning.  Her husband, Tony, has a landscaping business and I asked him for a quote as Cole and I were not able to keep up with things outside the house.  I love working outside and I physically haven't been able to be outside to do anything.  Cole told me that he was going for coffee and taking Chance (our dog) along with him.  Not more than a minute after Cole walked out the door, I heard a lot of noise.  I thought it was coming from the TV and didn't pay much attention to it until it started getting louder.  I muted the TV and realized that my name was being chanted.  What in the world!?!?!  I looked out the front door and saw a dump truck hauling my friends down our driveway!  (Still makes me cry every time I picture it!)  Dear God I have the best friends ever!!!!  They all got together and planned this surprise for me.  I'm still speechless.  They are amazing!  Even though 2 of them yelled at me to stay put when I tried to get up off the couch to give hugs!  I was scared at what would happen if I didn't listen to them!  Thanks Jenn and Leslie!  I've learned my lesson!

*Sunday, May 31 - Cole and I went into my classroom to begin packing things away for the summer.  I didn't know when I was going to make it back to school and I didn't want anyone else to have to worry about packing my stuff away and I had to prepare things for the last week of school.  It was difficult to make lesson plans for the last week!  But I had to be prepared!  I am so grateful that he was able to help me.  I hated sitting while I gave him instructions of where to put things.  Being dependent is really difficult for me!  

*Monday, June 1 - I still was not feeling up to par and decided to take another day off to rest.  I actually made the decision to take off the remainder of the school year.  A very hard decision for me to make, but I knew I had to think more about myself and my health.  I was thankful I took the day off as my oncologist ordered more scans/tests for me as I still had a cough and fevers, but thankfully not as severe.  I spent most of the day at Harrisburg Hospital getting a sonogram of my legs, chest x-ray, and a VQ scan (to check my lungs).  She wanted to be sure there were no blood clots.  Fortunately, everything was fine and I was on schedule to get my next chemo treatment the next day.

*Tuesday, June 2 - Cole had to be at work for an important event that evening/night.  He left when the Benadryl began to kick in and my parents came to be with me during this treatment.  Mom sat with me for awhile then went to the waiting room while the Benadryl worked.  I was glad my parents were in the waiting room and were not witness to what happened next.  As they began the Taxol treatment, I began having an allergic reaction to the preservative that the chemo is in.  Remember how I was originally in the 99%?  Yeah, well, that quickly changed!  I was now actually in the less than 1% of people that react after the first treatment.  It was definitely a scary moment.  It became difficult for me to breathe.  The heat I felt start in my chest and rush to my head was indescribable.  The nurses said I was really red in the face/head.  As soon as I began having a hard time breathing and felt hot, I said, "I feel hot.  Help!"  They immediately rushed to me, stopped the Taxol, and gave me a steroid to counteract everything.  I am so thankful that I was able to call for help and that they were watching close by.  It was hard to get the words out as anyone that has had Benadryl knows how that makes a person feel.  I was so lethargic, but knew what was going on.  Looking back, I feel like I should have been scared of the situation, but honestly, I wasn't too concerned.  Maybe I wasn't fully aware of what was happening.  This just goes to prove how much faith and trust I have in the people that are taking care of and treating me.  They are nothing short of amazing!!!  

As they were "working on me," I was barely able to open my eyes a few times.  They gave me more Benadryl and that made me even more out of it.  The one time I opened my eyes, Dr. Lee, my oncologist was standing in front of me.  I smiled and said, "I'm sorry."  Once again, I was the one causing the panic/action at the cancer center.  Go figure!  I kept my humor through it all.  Needless to say, I was not able to get chemo this day.  I had to come back the next day since my magnesium level was so low.  Dr. Lee wanted to run labs to be sure my level went back up and stayed up.

*Wednesday, June 3 - To my surprise, I felt REALLY good on this day!  This was the best I had felt for several days!  I went to the cancer center, had blood drawn, and was able to go home when my labs came back with great news!  Dr. Lee said she would be in contact to let me know what the next step was for chemo.

*Thursday, June 4 - I made the decision to go to school today for a half day.  The children were leaving at 1:00 and I knew I could make it through the afternoon.  That only left an hour for me with the children and the rest of the time I would be working in my classroom.  I did well and made it through the afternoon!  So of course I was planning to do the same thing Friday afternoon!  How could I miss their last day of school!?!

Dr. Lee called me that evening to inform me that she discussed my case at a conference and was interested in pursuing the Taxol with desensitization - meaning lots of pre-treatment to avoid the reaction.  She asked me how I felt about that and I admitted that it scared me, but I completely trusted her and the decision.  She was in contact with another doctor to get her opinion and after hearing back from this doctor, she called me back to let me know that I would no longer receive Taxol.  I would now get Abraxane...weekly...for 9 more weeks.  I have now been set back a little over a month and will not have surgery as scheduled in July.  I was looking forward to getting my last chemo treatment on June 30.  It will now be August 4.  I'm saddened by how far this put me back, but I have no choice.  It is what it is and I will do what I need to do.  I have to focus on me and kicking this for good.

*Friday, June 5 - It was a sad day!  When I heard a student say, "You were the best teacher ever, even though you weren't here for a lot of it!"  it broke my heart.  I know I missed several days, especially at the end of the year, but at that moment, it hit hard.  I fought tears.  This was an amazing group of children and I was so sad that I had to end the school year with them, especially in this manner.  They will never know what they helped me accomplish and how they helped me get through these past several months.  Yes, it was stressful keeping up with school work and managing my health, but it gave me something to look forward to.  It will be nice not having to worry about getting plans done, not knowing if I will be able to go to school, preparing for substitutes just in case, etc.  But...  

Even more difficult than the side effects of the chemo and even the allergic reaction I had was missing out on the special events at my school.  I missed our field trip, field day, race for education, behavior rewards, underwater reading adventure, and our 5th grade graduation.  I'm sure there was more that I missed, but these are the biggies.  Yes, our school is absolutely amazing and we go out of our way to be sure our students (and staff) have the time of their lives!  I tried not to let my mind think about what I was missing.  Instead, I tried to think about the fun times that I knew the children were experiencing.  I love to be involved in school activities and more importantly, being right there with the children!  Not being there with them was more difficult than I could imagine!  Looking at pictures that people posted on Facebook and shared through texts and email was so hard.  I was so happy to see the pictures, but you can only imagine the hurt.  I believe what made it hurt so much is the fact that I spent so many years of my life having to miss out on fun things due to a health condition.  And to be missing out on fun things yet again to due a health condition is unbearable!  Once I get through this, I vow to never miss out on such things again due to health issues!  Emotionally, it is awful!  It hurts worse than most physical pain!  

And so round 2 begins - again!  Prayers for a successful treatment this coming Tuesday!  And for the next 8 Tuesdays!  

So much for keeping it short!  Ha!

Thank you all again so very much for your kind words, thoughts, prayers, help, cards, gifts, and most importantly, love!  I definitely hit some lows throughout the past couple of weeks, but I've bounced back and am ready to roll!  This is a tough battle, but I've got this!  I promise! 

Halfway and Moving on! And some other random thoughts!

*Reaching the halfway point of chemotherapy is an amazing feeling!  It feels great to be done with "red death"!  Honestly, just thinking about the a/c treatments made me a bit nauseous.  I had more nausea after the third treatment and I kept thinking it would be the same way after my 4th treatment.  Yeah, I had some, but again, fortunately, the medicine works and works well!  My doctors are the best!  

*4th treatment went well!  It was great hearing Cole say "Yay!" when my nurse was able to draw blood right away.  But not so great about 30 seconds later when he said, "Uh oh!"  Yeah, you guessed it.  It had another clog.  Fortunately, it only took a few minutes of arm movements, head turns, coughs, and lying back in a chair to get it to work again.  

*After treatment, we went to one of my favorite places to eat, South Philly Hoagies.  We then headed back to the cancer center to meet with the genetic counselor.  She went over my test results and explained as much as is known about the CHEK2 gene mutation.  Unfortunately, it's a more recent discovery and a lot is still being learned about it.  But fortunately, the mutation in my gene is the most common when it comes to CHEK2.  In a nutshell, I'm at a higher risk for future breast cancer and colon cancer.  There are other cancers involved, but these are the greatest risk for me based upon family history.  What does this mean for me?  I need to be screened more frequently than insurance typically allows (mammogram, MRI, colonoscopy).  Most importantly, it helped me choose the type of surgery I will have.  I've chosen to have a bilateral (double) mastectomy.  Why?  My risk of future breast cancer goes down enormously!  If I can greatly lower my risk of going though this again, I'm choosing to do so.  We met with my surgeon, Dr. Barton, after the genetic counselor.  While speaking with her and before I could ask for her recommendation for surgery, she said that she would choose the same surgery if she were in my shoes.  Those words reassured me that I was making the right choice.  There is so much more to be decided than just the type of surgery, but I don't have all of that information nor will I go into detail at this time, if ever.  I have appointments set up with my plastic surgeon and radiation specialist as I have to have radiation after surgery.  I'm very thankful that Dr. Barton felt comfortable enough to go through with scheduling my surgery.  July 23 is going to be an exciting day!  (3 days after my birthday!!!)  She felt comfortable enough to go forward scheduling this due to my success thus far with treatment.  This is one type of surgery I never thought I would have - certainly one I would never choose to have!  But for serious medical reasons, I feel I am making the best choice!  
The genetic counselor recommends that my parents and sister get tested to see who tests positive for the CHEK2 gene as well.  This way they can be screened more often to help them prevent going through serious health concerns in the future.
Let me back up for a minute and tell you the best news!  During my appointment with Dr. Barton, she did a sonogram of the mass under my arm.  It is definitely shrinking!  She also did a sonogram on the mass above my collar bone.  She couldn't find it!  I love those words!  She couldn't find it!  It doesn't mean that it's not there and much smaller, but she couldn't find it!!!  

*I have to say how much I miss my taste buds!  Chemo has a lot of side effects!  I don't need to tell anyone that, especially those that have personally experienced it.  Weight loss used to be one of the effects and still is for some people, but not for me!  My appetite is in full swing most of the time.  Feels like it's active 24/7 most times.  So weight gain is something happening for me.  Oh well!  I'll deal with that when this is all over and manage the best I can for now.   But finding things to eat that have a taste has been a challenge.  Fortunately, I don't have the metallic taste that so many talk about.  I just don't have any taste.  But it doesn't stop me from eating!  Ha!  I believe our medical and grocery bills are in competition.  We also never seem to have a short supply of leftovers.  I make something to eat that sounds amazing.  Take 2 bites, hate it and put it in the fridge hoping it tastes better the next day.  Again, it's just another comical situation...at times!

*I feel like the finish line is in sight!  Being realistic, it's a long way off, I know, but I'm getting closer!  Getting so much closer to using that "s" word - survivor!  I know I already am, but, Cole and I have reserved this word for the perfect time.  As I look ahead at the next several months, I have a lot of appointments scheduled to prepare for what's to come.  It's a bit overwhelming, but it's also very exciting!  One day at a time!!!

*To anyone that's been through this and has reached out to me, I greatly appreciate any and all information you have given me.  The connections are great and so very helpful!  I know that everyone's situation is very different, no matter how similar the diagnosis, treatment, surgery, etc.  Everyone reacts differently to everything.  But no matter what, the communication is appreciated!  Whether you're the one that is going through it or went through it or a family member or a friend of someone that went through it, you truly don't know what it's like until you experience it.  The patient to patient connection is undeniable and such a welcoming thing for me.

*To anyone that is currently going through this, if there is anything I can help you with, please do not hesitate to contact me.  It's not easy to go through this, but if I can help just one person...

*Again, I have to say a huge thank you to everyone that continues to support me, Cole, and my family!  I am so grateful for the many wonderful people in our life!  You are all amazing!  It means the world to me, to us!

Approaching Halfway!

So groundhog day really didn't happen after my second treatment.  I had some similar symptoms, but round 2 went much better than round 1.  I got a lot more sleep and had very little nausea and pain after my second round!  Woo hoo!  I only missed two half days of school!  Best news, I was feeling well enough to attend the Hershey Bear's end of season banquet the evening after receiving my treatment.  Enjoy the pictures!

Coco giving me a kiss!

One of my favorite players from a few years back and the Bear's assistant coach, Bryan Helmer!  Such a great guy with an amazing family!

2 really awesome, supportive guys!  Tomas Kundratek and Garrett Mittchell!

Great players and super friends!  Congrats to both as Tomas is enjoying his new little bundle of joy and Garrett will be doing the same in a few months!

 And here's what my most wonderful husband bought me.  

After being diagnosed, he wanted to buy a Bear's breast cancer jersey.  After reaching out to friends, he found this one.  Joel Rechlicz was the enforcer, the fighter for the Bear's for a couple of years.  We were hoping for a current player, but after thinking it through, Cole knew that this was a sign...a fighter for a fighter!

(Of course our puppy, Chance had to be a part of the picture!)

Thank you so very much, Brock, for your help and your support!

And speaking of support, my school is the best!  They had a pink/purple out day just for me.  When I walked into the auditorium and saw a sea of students and staff wearing pink and purple to support me, I was brought to tears.  A local newspaper also wrote a story about me.

Here's the link:  

Newville Elementary teacher faces cancer with community's support

Just another sample of the support that, well...  No words are needed!

After showing a phenomenal video that all of our students and staff participated in, I was once again brought to tears that I could not hold back.  I have no words to express my gratitude, my love, my appreciation...

These are the final words from the video that made me weep like a baby.

So, let me tell you how round 3 went.  My parents joined me for this treatment. As usual, I was super excited to get another treatment.  Not the typical reaction by most patients, I completely understand that.  But I am so excited about kicking this stuff!  I was called back to get my blood work which consists of them inserting the needle into my port and drawing 3 tubes of blood.  It doesn't hurt, not any more since the area around my port has healed.  I only feel a tiny skin prick.  Well, needless to say, if something is going to happen, it's going to happen to me.  She couldn't draw blood.  She said my port may be clogged.  For the next 10 minutes or so, I was raising one arm, then the other, then both, turning my head, coughing, laying down in a recliner, raising arms, turning my head, leaning forward...all for them trying to get my port unclogged to draw blood.  Believe it or not, I remained totally calm and humorous throughout this whole ordeal.  They were unable to draw blood through my port and used a vein in my arm.  My veins are pretty much shot (thank you cancer and chemo), but she was able to get the vein on the first try and get the needed blood!  Since the port was still clogged, they had to order a TPA.  Not sure what that stands for, but basically it was a syringe of medicine injected into my port to unclog it.  Of course I asked how I would receive my treatment if my port remained clogged and how they would get it unclogged.  Their answer:  chemo would be injected through an IV in my arm and they may have to order a port study to see what's going on with it.  Ugh!  Oh well.  It is what it is and I'm doing whatever it takes to kick this crap!  Again, I remained calm and just kept smiling.  Next stop, Dr. Lee (my oncologist)!  This was the best visit with her yet!  She was happy to hear how well the second round went for me.  She always asks me if I noticed any difference with the tumor under my arm.  I told her that I didn't want to jinx it, but it felt smaller.  She replies, "Let's find out."  As she felt it, she smiles and says, "Oh my, Wendy!  It's definitely smaller!"  The biggest smile came across my face as I raised my hands in the air and said, "Yes!"  Progress!!!  After only 2 treatments, there is progress!!!  Praise God!  And thank you to everyone that is praying for me!  It's working!  You are all amazing for so many reasons!  Thank you for keeping me in your prayers!
So back to the troublesome port...  Dr. Lee told me that the TPA was ordered and they would try that.  If it didn't work, I would have the IV and the chemo would be administered through it.  I would have to lie extremely still as the chemo was being injected (in particular, the "red death") as it's very, very, well...toxic.  Any contact with tissue outside the vein would result in a skin reaction.  Lovely.  But yet, still no panic.  It is what it is!  I've got this!  Off to the infusion center to pray that my port will work!  After waiting 35 minutes, more raising of the arms, turning of the head, laying back...success!!!  That staff is amazing!!!  They started my drips of medicine for nausea and then it was time for the "red death".  This is a thick medicine that has to be injected from a syringe.  They push some, then draw back for a blood return, inject some more, repeat process until both syringes are administered.  After the first or second push, I felt a burning sensation and knew I wasn't supposed to.  I told the lady administering it and she stopped right away.  They took out the needle from my port and put in a new one in hopes that this would work.  She began pushing again and I felt nothing this time.  Of course throughout this process, there was some panic (not by me miraculously), but by some staff in hopes that the burning I felt would not give me a reaction.  Dr. Lee came to check me out and questioned what needs to be done and if there was a reaction.  I felt calm and very reassured by everyone and what they were doing.  Another doctor was called in to take a look.  He said that if anything had gone wrong, I would have had an immediate reaction and an antidote would have been given to me.  Looking back, I'm wondering if I should have been just a bit more concerned.  This just absolutely goes to prove how much faith and trust I have in this staff.  Nothing short of amazing!  I'm so blessed to have the best people treating me!  As Dr. Lee walked away, she smiled, laughed, and reminded me that they like calm around the center.  I told her I would try better next time.  I always tell them that I don't try for drama, it just follows me around.  Everyone definitely knows me around that place and smile when they see me coming!
So after receiving treatment number 3, I'm still doing well.  The symptoms get a bit worse as time moves on, but to me, that just means that everything is continuing to work!  I'm definitely looking forward to Tuesday, May 5!  My last round of the A/C (the type of chemo I'm receiving for my first 4 treatments).  
With the good news, there is a bit of sad news.  I received a phone call a few weeks ago stating that my genetic testing was perfect.  There were no mutations of my genes, meaning that I'm carrying no other signs of cancer.  Well, when your surgeon calls you at 5:30 PM, you know it's not going to be good news.  She told me that the company called her and told her that there was an error with the testing and of course, my sample was involved with the error.  I have now tested positive for CHEK2.  I have a mutation for breast and colon cancer.  This is the one that Cole and I were sure I would test positive for, if any.  My grandmother had colon cancer and with my Hirschsprung's, we're not surprised.  What does all of this mean?  In a nutshell, I have the potential of developing the same or different type of breast cancer in the future and/or colon cancer.  We will meet with a genetic counselor to get more information.  It will also lead me in the right direction for choosing which surgery is best for me.  If I can reduce the risk of developing more breast cancer, I'm without a doubt taking that option!  As for the colon cancer potential, whatever preventive measures I can take, that's what I will do.  
With all of this, I continue to remain positive and thankful for everything and everyone!  I am so appreciative of everyone's positive words, thoughts, prayers, cards, gifts...the list goes on.  Please know that I am doing well and will continue to fight this fight!  It doesn't stand a chance!  So many people call me an inspiration and honestly, I truly had a difficult time understanding this.  So many people have helped explain it to me and I'm finally figuring it out.  Part of me feels guilty for calling myself an inspiration.  I am me.  This is who I am and who I always will be.  If I'm an inspiration to others, then God has done more for me than I could have hoped for throughout this whole process.  

One last thing.  I've always believed in supporting causes that help others.  Cole and I have created a team for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer.  This is a walk at City Island in Harrisburg on Saturday, October 17, 2015 to raise funds for breast cancer research.  Our team is called Wendy's Warriors.  My hope is that I will be able to be there and complete this walk...as a survivor!  This word is the word Cole and I are reserving for that grand moment when they give us the best news of all!  They say you're a survivor at the moment of diagnosis.  I believe that, but I also know we can't wait for the best moment of all!  If you are interested in joining our team, we would love to have you there with us.  Please visit this website by clicking on the link below to join our team or make a donation.  I thank you in advance for all of your support in helping me achieve this goal!

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer