Laugh More, Live More, Love More

Where to begin??  It's been over 4 months since my last post and there has been a lot happen since that post!
Thank God for genetic testing!!!  Because I tested positive for the CHEK2 gene (a gene that increases my risk for breast and colon cancer), my family was able to get the genetic testing for this gene as well.  There were all tested last year.  My dad tested negative, my sister tested positive for the breast cancer, and my mom tested positive for breast and colon cancer.  What does this mean?  It means they need to get more frequent mammograms, MRIs, etc.  My sister and mom both had mammograms that came back with clear results.  My sister had her MRI and was called the next day with the doctors wanting her to come in for an ultrasound and possible biopsy as they "saw a small spot".  Yes, panic mode!  She went in for the ultrasound and had a biopsy.  The doctor told her right then and there that he was 98% sure that it was cancer.  A very small spot caught early.  But still, when you hear those words, all you hear is cancer.  When my sister called me to tell me that she was being sent to Dr. Barton, my breast surgeon.  I asked her if she knew what that meant.  She did.  We knew she was about to be diagnosed.  And she was.  On May 11, 2016, (1 year, 2 months, and 15 days after my diagnosis) she was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer.  If you're like I was, I didn't know the difference in stages.  This will help...

Just for reference, I was stage 3c.  My sister had a lumpectomy the following week and then had to have another surgery the week after her first surgery as she did not have clear margins the first time.  We thought and had hoped that she would only need surgery and radiation.  We were wrong.  She would need chemo, too.  Ugh! 
So while this was happening, my mom went for her MRI.  They called her the next day and were scheduling her for an MRI guided biopsy.  Seriously!?!  
I was getting my PET scan at the same time mom was having her MRI biopsy.  Mom got a call the next day stating that her biopsy was clear!  Praise God!!  I met with my oncologist 2 days after my PET scan.  The first thing she said was that my scan was clear!  Again, praise God!!  Mom and I were over-joyed with our great news, but wow!  The guilt set in as we were about to go through all of this again with my sister.
Her first chemo was June 23, the same day I met with my oncologist.  After my appointment, I went over to the infusion center to see my sister.  When I walked in and saw her getting her treatment, it was hard.  I fought back a tear because I knew she was in the best of care.  She had done well with her first 2 treatments, but found out quickly how hard chemo is on the body.  It truly is something that you don't realize until you go through it.  She is on a different treatment plan than I had, but no matter what that treatment is, it is rough!  She receives chemo once every 3 weeks, 6 treatments in all.
So let me go back to the genetic testing.  I am such an advocate for this.  I understand people not wanting to know if they have a cancer gene.  It is scary.  I get that.  However, had my family not gotten the genetic testing done, my sister would never had known she had breast cancer.  She would only have gotten the mammogram, which showed nothing.  She would not have been eligible for an MRI, which showed the small spot.  This "small spot" was aggressive breast cancer which grew in size very quickly from the time it was discovered until it was removed.  Just a few weeks time.  Who knows what stage she may have been at when it was discovered, which would have been another year later because that's when she would have gotten her next mammogram.  
Because I tested positive for the gene that puts me at a greater risk for breast and colon cancer, I was told to get a colonoscopy every 5 years.  At this point, I'm guessing that most of you just said "yuck" or "oh man" or something close to that.  Well, after suffering through a digestive disease for the first 20 couple years of my life, I was used to a doctor being at that end of my body.  So the thought of a colonoscopy has never bothered me in the least.  Nor does the prep.  With that being said, had I not had the genetic testing, I would not have had a colonoscopy until age 50.  That's 11 years for me to wait.  By that time, the precancerous polyp they removed in my colon would have been cancerous as it takes around 10 years for a precancerous polyp to turn into cancer.  Looks like I may have been diagnosed with colon cancer at that time.  I cannot explain to you how grateful I am for genetic testing!!!  If you are eligible, do it!!!  It could save your life!! 
And speaking of life, I celebrated my 39th birthday this week!  I will always be proud to share my age because of what I've been through!  I'm looking forward to celebrating 40!!  Seriously!!  There will be a party!  (Hint, hint, hint to my family and friends reading this!)  I also celebrated the one year mark since my last chemo.  My birthday was July 20 and my last chemo was July 21.  Here's a picture from July 21, 2015 and July 21, 2016...

I know I'm one of the very few, but losing my hair was extremely easy for me compared to it growing back in!  Frustration!  I chose to not get it cut or trimmed until I reached the 1 year mark.  Well, I made it to June 23 and chose to get highlights.  I also got it trimmed...a whole quarter of an inch.  I just can't cut it.  I do miss my long locks.  The past 2-3 months have been less frustrating for me while it's growing back.  It is great to feel the wind blowing through my hair again.  I'm happy about all of this, but in the back of my mind, I feel so guilty as my sister is going through the exact opposite of me.  I know she's struggling with hair loss.  And I know everyone says "You're still beautiful without hair" and "it will grow back".  Those are very easy words for someone to say, but those words do not help the person going through it.  There truly is nothing to help that person.  The only thing that helps is time when it has grown back in.  I'm struggling with helping her through this because I had no issues with the hair loss and she's the exact opposite.  I never want to go through chemo again, but if I could switch places with her, I'd do it in a heartbeat.  

So where am I in my process??  I have my exchange surgery scheduled for August 8!  This is when my plastic surgeon will remove Ethel and Lucy.  Oh, I'm sorry.  I should explain that Ethel and Lucy are my expanders.  I'm a big fan of I Love Lucy.  Lucy was always the one causing trouble, so that's my right expander cause it was very troublesome and still is.  Ethel just tags along and that's what my left expander is doing.  Simply tagging along for the ride.  Anyway, I get my expanders out and implants in.  I will have a new set of foobs (fake boobs).  I'm so ready to be rid of these expanders.  It will be 17 days short of 1 year of dealing with these things.  I'm definitely not looking forward to another surgery.  But it should be my last one.  It better be my last one!

I'm still on medication to help with different things.  One of these medicines causes me pain every second of every day.  Some days are worse than others.  But I choose to keep taking it because it will help lower my risk of recurrence.  That, and my oncologist would really yell at me if I chose to stop taking it. I continue to have many doctor's appointments, but they will eventually become less frequent.  I'm very fortunate to have doctors that are so proactive.  And I'm comforted knowing that my sister has the very same team of doctors that I do.

I'm feeling so much more like myself with each passing day.  It feels great to have energy, to laugh like I used to, to simply be back to being Wendy!  But even better than that, it feels great to see Cole smiling and laughing again.  Cancer is very stressful!  We all know that.  I knew I missed his smile and laugh through treatment, but I've realized exactly how much I missed them.  Don't get me wrong,  we smiled and laughed through it all.  But those smiles and laughs mean so much more now than they ever did.  I have several wishes, but one of the biggest wishes I have is that everyone could be loving life like I am now.  Cherishing and appreciating the smallest things.  I truly am living more, laughing more, and loving more.

One Day...

One day...the number of sick days I have left after all that I have been through and all of the days I have had to take off.  Praise God that I had as many days as I did.  My goal is to hang on to that one sick day and carry it over to next school year.  There's still many days to go yet this year (less than 60), but I have a goal and I hope to meet it!

One day...I hope to walk out my front door and not see me sitting on the ground just a few feet from the front door because I was too weak to make it to the car for Cole to take me to the emergency room.

One day...as I go home from work, I hope to not remember pulling off to the side on the on ramp when my surgeon called to give me the results of my very first PET scan which showed 2 more areas of cancer.

One day...I hope to be able to walk down the hallway at school and not remember all the phone calls I made or received regarding my diagnosis, tests, scans, appointments, etc.  Not to mention all of the tears I shed in that hallway.

One day...I hope to be able to not think about how slow the chemo caused me to walk down that hallway in school or how I couldn't make it up the stairs because I was too weak.

One day...I hope to be rid of these expanders!  I pray I can handle more expansion.  I haven't had any since the end of January.  I had a fill of 30 ml and ended up in more pain than after my surgery.  I waited 3 days (shame on me) and called my plastic surgeon on a Sunday and left a message stating how much pain I was in.  Thank God he called me back less than 5 minutes later and said to come in.  He was already in his office!  I had all 30 ml removed.  For the next several weeks, I debated about just having the expanders removed.  Radiation has made the expansion process horrible!  I did well through radiation, but it has destroyed everything under my skin.

One day...I hope to be able to give back to so many as they have helped me in more ways than they will ever know.  I hope to be able to thank everyone that has helped me and my family.

One day...I hope that I can go one day without thinking about cancer in some way.  It's constantly on my mind.  What it has done to me, what it could still do to me, what if it comes back...

So here's the latest...

My oopherectomy (ovary and fallopian tube removal) was scheduled for World Cancer Day, February 4.  How appropriate.  I ended up getting fevers 3 nights in a row.  I had to reschedule surgery to February 12.  It went very well.  I can't say that I ever felt pain.  I described it as being sore.  I remember asking my gynecological oncologist (my surgeon) if he took both ovaries as I was only having "pain" on  my left side.  I asked him several times if he took the right one, too.  He said he did and he would be worried if I had pain on my right side.  All of the incisions were center and on my left side.  He reassured me and I trusted him!  Love this doctor, Dr. Willis!  Great personality and loves to joke around, so he's a perfect fit for me!  My port was also removed during this surgery!  Dr. Willis said it was one of the toughest ports he'd ever removed.  Of course it was...what else would you expect from me!?!  The area around my port was inflamed and the tissue surrounding it was tough.  Cole said it is now medically proven that I am a tough lady.

I'm praying that I only have 1 more surgery remaining...the exchange surgery in which the expanders will be replaced with implants.  I was hoping to have this done prior to my insurance switching over to a new year on July 1, but I doubt it will happen.  I've had the expanders for nearly 8 months.  They are awful.  When people ask me how they feel, I tell them to imagine 2 cinder blocks zip tied to your chest.  There's no way to get relief unless you cut that zip tie and cutting that zip tie means surgery to take them out.  I'm doing my best to not give in or give up on these things.

On Saturday, April 23, there will be a Par 3 Skramble golf benefit at Beaver Bend Golf Course in Hummelstown, PA.  It's a benefit for me and for other cancer patients and survivors.  If you are interested in playing, attending, or donating, please check out the links below for more information...          https://www.gofundme.com/vardtg4s

To learn more about the wonderful 18 Fore Life charity and the benefit that my brother-in-law, Herb McNally, and his wife, Courtney (Cole's sister) have organized, please check out this link...        http://mcnally22.com

I am forever grateful for Herb and Courtney organizing such a benefit and all of the work they have done.  Thank you to Cole and his parents as well!  A great big thank you to all that have helped in so many ways to make this happen!  A huge thank you to 18 Fore Life for allowing the use of their name and being a part of this!  There are so many thank yous to give and I have no idea where to start.

Again, just because the cancer is gone doesn't mean that my life returns to normal just like that.  If only...  But as time goes on, I'm slowly starting to get my mojo back.  I'm slowly starting to feel like my ole self.  But being forced into menopause has not been pleasant.  I hear all the time, "It must be nice to not have your period."  My reply, "I'd give anything to have it back."  Translation: I wish I'd never gotten cancer.

I've been diagnosed, I've battled it, and I've won.  I'm feeling more like a survivor with each passing day.  These past several weeks have been difficult as I am now in the "year  agos".  February 25 was 1 year since diagnosis.  The week of March 2-6, 2015 was a week from hell as I went through so many scans, tests, and appointments.  And I'm remembering all of this from a year ago as if it were yesterday.  Everything is so vivid in my memory.  Today, March 13 is when I first met with my oncologist.  I'll never forget her looking at my long locks and asking me what I thought about a short hair cut.  I told her I just had 3 inches cut off.  She asked, "How about 3 more?"  I reassured her that I was not at all concerned about losing my hair.  I was prepared to have my head shaved.  I believe all she needed was the rest of our time together that day to realize that Cole and I were genuine and determined.

I've come so far and realize this as I relive the moments from a year ago.  

One day...I hope to not relive these moments.

One day...there better be no more cancer of any kind in this world!!!

Celebrations!

It's been 2 months since my last post, and of course, there's been a lot that has happened between then and now.
The night after my last post, Cole and I were treated to seats in the suite at the Hershey Bear's game.  Thank you to Bob Ancharski for these tickets!!!  We had the best time!!!

On December 7, 2015, I celebrated my last day of radiation.  

I endured 30 treatments very well!  My team of radiation technicians and my radiation oncologist are very pleased with how well my skin held up during radiation.  I'm even more pleased because I didn't have a lot of burn.  I had what looked like a sunburn for weeks, but the majority of my burn didn't set in until about my last 3 treatments.  The burn continued after treatment and I had to continue working only half days as I couldn't tolerate wearing clothing on the burned areas.  But the week after radiation ended, I began working full days...the week before Christmas!  What was I thinking!?!  It was worth it.  I was happy to be back in my classroom full time!

Christmas was approaching and Cole and I decided to not buy gifts for one another this year.  We'd been through enough this year and we just wanted to spend time together and be grateful for what we have.  He told me Christmas Eve that I had a gift to open on Christmas day.  I wasn't sure how to react.  We said no gifts and now I had nothing for him.  He told me it wasn't from him.  I asked him who it was from, but he wouldn't tell me until I opened it on Christmas morning.  Christmas morning arrived and Cole told me to open my gift.  I tore open the paper and opened the box.  Here's what I found...

I cried.  I couldn't believe it.  My very own Hershey Bears breast cancer awareness jersey!  Just like the players wore during warm-ups for the breast cancer awareness game on October 25!  Cole told me it was from the Hershey Bears.  Speechless! Thank you so very much Hershey Bears!!!!  I wear it with pride!!!

Throughout the last couple of radiation treatments and continuing throughout the next couple of weeks, and even to this day, I've had some pain and discomfort around my collar bone area - the area where cancer was.  I had my 3 month check-up with my oncologist on January 15.  I told her about this discomfort.  I barely had the words out of my mouth when she told me she was ordering a PET scan for me.  Of course I was shaken up and worried...once again.  third scare in just 5 short months.  I had the PET scan this week and praise God!!!  All is clear!!!  I'd like to say that I've had it with scares.  I have, but as long as they are only scares and everything remains clear, I will handle them.  I will get through them.  I'm just so fortunate for my amazing team of doctors.  They don't mess around.  The biggest reason is because I was stage 3c.  There's only 1 number after 3 and they don't want me reaching that number.  

I started getting a shot (Lupron - a.k.a. Eligard) once a month in September to shut down my ovaries.  I also started taking Exemestane to control the estrogen in my body.  I'm doing these things since my cancer was 100% estrogen-fed.  The medicine has caused me chronic, crippling pain, mainly in my hands and fingers.  It also causes an upset stomach every day.  I was adjusting to this, but it was extremely painful and made it difficult to do many things in my daily life (i.e. opening a water bottle, typing, etc.).  I told my oncologist about this and she switched me to a new medicine, Arimidex.  Here's hoping the pain isn't as bad.  I was warned that it may still cause pain, but hopefully it's not as bad for me.  Time will tell.  She has to monitor my bone density because it apparently causes lots of issues with bones.  Lovely.  But thankful I'm being closely monitored.  My oncologist also started me on Effexor (an anti-depressant medicine) to help control my hot flashes.  I told her I wasn't in need of anti-depressant as I'm certainly not depressed and I didn't want to take any more meds.  She said it wouldn't work on me like it would those who take it for depression.  I agreed to try it.  Wow!  It certainly took the hot flashes away!  I was so excited!  Until I hit an ultimate low.  It made me so weak, so light-headed, and a total loss of appetite.  I only ate half a sandwich and 2 bites of soup on Monday.  I tried to eat Tuesday, but 1 bite of broccoli was enough for me.  I called my doctor and she ordered me to stop Effexor.  I was happy to regain my appetite and become myself again.  But I'm supposed to start it back up again Wednesday.  Ugh!  I'm excited to have it take away the hot flashes, but not sure it's worth feeling that way to get that desired outcome.  We shall see.

I meet with an ob/gyn on Monday, January 22 to set up surgery for ovary and fallopian tube removal.  This will eliminate the need to get the shot every 28 days.  I am also going back to physical therapy as my left arm is not doing well ever since surgery.  I have a very difficult time lifting and putting that arm down.  It pains me quite often.  But I'm managing.

So, how am I doing?  Honestly, I'm doing well right now.  It's only been a week since I started my new medicine.  I remember that it took a month before I started feeling the full effects of the first med I was put on.  So I have to give this one time to set in.  Praying it's better.  I'm doing much better since my most recent scare has passed.  I'm doing a lot better since I stopped the Effexor.  Praying it goes better when I take it next.  I'm slowly getting back to being myself.  I continue expansion for reconstruction.  My first expansion on the right side after radiation was definitely a bit painful.  After a couple of days, I was better.  But I definitely felt that I was done with it.  I didn't want anymore.  I do not like these expanders, but it's better than the thought of having another major surgery.  I admire those who are able to go through that kind of surgery for reconstruction.  I know it's definitely not for me.

Anyway, I continue to get better, gaining more strength and energy.  It's great to be feeling better.  Oh, and it's great to have hair!!  It's growing, slowly but surely.  Even though everyone thinks it's growing fast.  During these cold days, I sure do miss my long locks to keep my neck warm.  And speaking of staying warm, I am absolutely enjoying this blizzard we are experiencing right now as I type!  I have always loved snow, so the 23 inches we've received so far is incredible!  For me, at least!  I'm such a kid!!!

Until next time, I pray that all is well for you and that all remains well for me!  As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your continued thoughts and prayers.  I have the most incredible support system!