One day...I hope to walk out my front door and not see me sitting on the ground just a few feet from the front door because I was too weak to make it to the car for Cole to take me to the emergency room.
One day...as I go home from work, I hope to not remember pulling off to the side on the on ramp when my surgeon called to give me the results of my very first PET scan which showed 2 more areas of cancer.
One day...I hope to be able to walk down the hallway at school and not remember all the phone calls I made or received regarding my diagnosis, tests, scans, appointments, etc. Not to mention all of the tears I shed in that hallway.
One day...I hope to be able to not think about how slow the chemo caused me to walk down that hallway in school or how I couldn't make it up the stairs because I was too weak.
One day...I hope to be able to walk down the hallway at school and not remember all the phone calls I made or received regarding my diagnosis, tests, scans, appointments, etc. Not to mention all of the tears I shed in that hallway.
One day...I hope to be able to not think about how slow the chemo caused me to walk down that hallway in school or how I couldn't make it up the stairs because I was too weak.
One day...I hope to be rid of these expanders! I pray I can handle more expansion. I haven't had any since the end of January. I had a fill of 30 ml and ended up in more pain than after my surgery. I waited 3 days (shame on me) and called my plastic surgeon on a Sunday and left a message stating how much pain I was in. Thank God he called me back less than 5 minutes later and said to come in. He was already in his office! I had all 30 ml removed. For the next several weeks, I debated about just having the expanders removed. Radiation has made the expansion process horrible! I did well through radiation, but it has destroyed everything under my skin.
One day...I hope to be able to give back to so many as they have helped me in more ways than they will ever know. I hope to be able to thank everyone that has helped me and my family.
One day...I hope that I can go one day without thinking about cancer in some way. It's constantly on my mind. What it has done to me, what it could still do to me, what if it comes back...
One day...I hope that I can go one day without thinking about cancer in some way. It's constantly on my mind. What it has done to me, what it could still do to me, what if it comes back...
So here's the latest...
My oopherectomy (ovary and fallopian tube removal) was scheduled for World Cancer Day, February 4. How appropriate. I ended up getting fevers 3 nights in a row. I had to reschedule surgery to February 12. It went very well. I can't say that I ever felt pain. I described it as being sore. I remember asking my gynecological oncologist (my surgeon) if he took both ovaries as I was only having "pain" on my left side. I asked him several times if he took the right one, too. He said he did and he would be worried if I had pain on my right side. All of the incisions were center and on my left side. He reassured me and I trusted him! Love this doctor, Dr. Willis! Great personality and loves to joke around, so he's a perfect fit for me! My port was also removed during this surgery! Dr. Willis said it was one of the toughest ports he'd ever removed. Of course it was...what else would you expect from me!?! The area around my port was inflamed and the tissue surrounding it was tough. Cole said it is now medically proven that I am a tough lady.
I'm praying that I only have 1 more surgery remaining...the exchange surgery in which the expanders will be replaced with implants. I was hoping to have this done prior to my insurance switching over to a new year on July 1, but I doubt it will happen. I've had the expanders for nearly 8 months. They are awful. When people ask me how they feel, I tell them to imagine 2 cinder blocks zip tied to your chest. There's no way to get relief unless you cut that zip tie and cutting that zip tie means surgery to take them out. I'm doing my best to not give in or give up on these things.
On Saturday, April 23, there will be a Par 3 Skramble golf benefit at Beaver Bend Golf Course in Hummelstown, PA. It's a benefit for me and for other cancer patients and survivors. If you are interested in playing, attending, or donating, please check out the links below for more information... https://www.gofundme.com/vardtg4s
To learn more about the wonderful 18 Fore Life charity and the benefit that my brother-in-law, Herb McNally, and his wife, Courtney (Cole's sister) have organized, please check out this link... http://mcnally22.com
I am forever grateful for Herb and Courtney organizing such a benefit and all of the work they have done. Thank you to Cole and his parents as well! A great big thank you to all that have helped in so many ways to make this happen! A huge thank you to 18 Fore Life for allowing the use of their name and being a part of this! There are so many thank yous to give and I have no idea where to start.
Again, just because the cancer is gone doesn't mean that my life returns to normal just like that. If only... But as time goes on, I'm slowly starting to get my mojo back. I'm slowly starting to feel like my ole self. But being forced into menopause has not been pleasant. I hear all the time, "It must be nice to not have your period." My reply, "I'd give anything to have it back." Translation: I wish I'd never gotten cancer.
I've been diagnosed, I've battled it, and I've won. I'm feeling more like a survivor with each passing day. These past several weeks have been difficult as I am now in the "year agos". February 25 was 1 year since diagnosis. The week of March 2-6, 2015 was a week from hell as I went through so many scans, tests, and appointments. And I'm remembering all of this from a year ago as if it were yesterday. Everything is so vivid in my memory. Today, March 13 is when I first met with my oncologist. I'll never forget her looking at my long locks and asking me what I thought about a short hair cut. I told her I just had 3 inches cut off. She asked, "How about 3 more?" I reassured her that I was not at all concerned about losing my hair. I was prepared to have my head shaved. I believe all she needed was the rest of our time together that day to realize that Cole and I were genuine and determined.
I've come so far and realize this as I relive the moments from a year ago.
One day...I hope to not relive these moments.
One day...there better be no more cancer of any kind in this world!!!
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