Celebrations!

It's been 2 months since my last post, and of course, there's been a lot that has happened between then and now.
The night after my last post, Cole and I were treated to seats in the suite at the Hershey Bear's game.  Thank you to Bob Ancharski for these tickets!!!  We had the best time!!!

On December 7, 2015, I celebrated my last day of radiation.  

I endured 30 treatments very well!  My team of radiation technicians and my radiation oncologist are very pleased with how well my skin held up during radiation.  I'm even more pleased because I didn't have a lot of burn.  I had what looked like a sunburn for weeks, but the majority of my burn didn't set in until about my last 3 treatments.  The burn continued after treatment and I had to continue working only half days as I couldn't tolerate wearing clothing on the burned areas.  But the week after radiation ended, I began working full days...the week before Christmas!  What was I thinking!?!  It was worth it.  I was happy to be back in my classroom full time!

Christmas was approaching and Cole and I decided to not buy gifts for one another this year.  We'd been through enough this year and we just wanted to spend time together and be grateful for what we have.  He told me Christmas Eve that I had a gift to open on Christmas day.  I wasn't sure how to react.  We said no gifts and now I had nothing for him.  He told me it wasn't from him.  I asked him who it was from, but he wouldn't tell me until I opened it on Christmas morning.  Christmas morning arrived and Cole told me to open my gift.  I tore open the paper and opened the box.  Here's what I found...

I cried.  I couldn't believe it.  My very own Hershey Bears breast cancer awareness jersey!  Just like the players wore during warm-ups for the breast cancer awareness game on October 25!  Cole told me it was from the Hershey Bears.  Speechless! Thank you so very much Hershey Bears!!!!  I wear it with pride!!!

Throughout the last couple of radiation treatments and continuing throughout the next couple of weeks, and even to this day, I've had some pain and discomfort around my collar bone area - the area where cancer was.  I had my 3 month check-up with my oncologist on January 15.  I told her about this discomfort.  I barely had the words out of my mouth when she told me she was ordering a PET scan for me.  Of course I was shaken up and worried...once again.  third scare in just 5 short months.  I had the PET scan this week and praise God!!!  All is clear!!!  I'd like to say that I've had it with scares.  I have, but as long as they are only scares and everything remains clear, I will handle them.  I will get through them.  I'm just so fortunate for my amazing team of doctors.  They don't mess around.  The biggest reason is because I was stage 3c.  There's only 1 number after 3 and they don't want me reaching that number.  

I started getting a shot (Lupron - a.k.a. Eligard) once a month in September to shut down my ovaries.  I also started taking Exemestane to control the estrogen in my body.  I'm doing these things since my cancer was 100% estrogen-fed.  The medicine has caused me chronic, crippling pain, mainly in my hands and fingers.  It also causes an upset stomach every day.  I was adjusting to this, but it was extremely painful and made it difficult to do many things in my daily life (i.e. opening a water bottle, typing, etc.).  I told my oncologist about this and she switched me to a new medicine, Arimidex.  Here's hoping the pain isn't as bad.  I was warned that it may still cause pain, but hopefully it's not as bad for me.  Time will tell.  She has to monitor my bone density because it apparently causes lots of issues with bones.  Lovely.  But thankful I'm being closely monitored.  My oncologist also started me on Effexor (an anti-depressant medicine) to help control my hot flashes.  I told her I wasn't in need of anti-depressant as I'm certainly not depressed and I didn't want to take any more meds.  She said it wouldn't work on me like it would those who take it for depression.  I agreed to try it.  Wow!  It certainly took the hot flashes away!  I was so excited!  Until I hit an ultimate low.  It made me so weak, so light-headed, and a total loss of appetite.  I only ate half a sandwich and 2 bites of soup on Monday.  I tried to eat Tuesday, but 1 bite of broccoli was enough for me.  I called my doctor and she ordered me to stop Effexor.  I was happy to regain my appetite and become myself again.  But I'm supposed to start it back up again Wednesday.  Ugh!  I'm excited to have it take away the hot flashes, but not sure it's worth feeling that way to get that desired outcome.  We shall see.

I meet with an ob/gyn on Monday, January 22 to set up surgery for ovary and fallopian tube removal.  This will eliminate the need to get the shot every 28 days.  I am also going back to physical therapy as my left arm is not doing well ever since surgery.  I have a very difficult time lifting and putting that arm down.  It pains me quite often.  But I'm managing.

So, how am I doing?  Honestly, I'm doing well right now.  It's only been a week since I started my new medicine.  I remember that it took a month before I started feeling the full effects of the first med I was put on.  So I have to give this one time to set in.  Praying it's better.  I'm doing much better since my most recent scare has passed.  I'm doing a lot better since I stopped the Effexor.  Praying it goes better when I take it next.  I'm slowly getting back to being myself.  I continue expansion for reconstruction.  My first expansion on the right side after radiation was definitely a bit painful.  After a couple of days, I was better.  But I definitely felt that I was done with it.  I didn't want anymore.  I do not like these expanders, but it's better than the thought of having another major surgery.  I admire those who are able to go through that kind of surgery for reconstruction.  I know it's definitely not for me.

Anyway, I continue to get better, gaining more strength and energy.  It's great to be feeling better.  Oh, and it's great to have hair!!  It's growing, slowly but surely.  Even though everyone thinks it's growing fast.  During these cold days, I sure do miss my long locks to keep my neck warm.  And speaking of staying warm, I am absolutely enjoying this blizzard we are experiencing right now as I type!  I have always loved snow, so the 23 inches we've received so far is incredible!  For me, at least!  I'm such a kid!!!

Until next time, I pray that all is well for you and that all remains well for me!  As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your continued thoughts and prayers.  I have the most incredible support system!

My Attempt...

Time flies!  I can't believe how long it is now between posts.  But here's the latest...
In my last post, I asked for continued prayers - extra prayers.  A few hours after having my CT scan done for radiation on Friday, October 16, Dr. Wilson-Dagar, my radiation oncologist called me to inform me that there was an "area of concern" found on the scan.  Panic mode!  This was my second scare since ending chemo just 3 short months ago.  She said that the area was under my right arm, near where the large, cancerous lymph node was.  She had already discussed this "area" with my surgeon, Dr. Barton and I was scheduled for an ultrasound 4 days later and a possible biopsy if needed.  The next day was the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk on City Island.  I was very emotional just because of what the walk was all about, but also because in the back of my mind lingered what could be.  It was during this walk that I overcame the "what could be" and knew that everything was going to be okay, no matter what.  I went for my ultrasound Tuesday, October 20 (yep, I had to take off school already after just returning).  I was not comfortable leaving that appointment as the doctor reading the ultrasound said, "It's definitely an enlarged lymph node but it looks okay.  Let's monitor it and we'll get you back in here in 6 months to check it out. Okay?"  Um, NO! NOT OKAY!  I was diagnosed with stage 3c breast cancer.  Definitely not okay.  I was planning to ask my surgeon for a biopsy if she was not going to order it.  I received a call that afternoon from Dr. Barton.  I was scheduled for another biopsy the next day.  I thanked her!  That Friday, October 23, I received a call stating that my biopsy was negative!  No cancer!!!  Praise God!!! 

One of the most emotional experiences of my life happened Sunday, October 25 at Giant Center in Hershey, PA at the Hershey Bears game.  I was asked if I would do a ceremonial puck drop in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness at their Pink the Rink night.  There was no way I was turning that down!  It was very difficult holding back the tears that wanted to flow down my cheeks while walking to center ice and listening to the broadcaster announce my diagnosis and treatments I have been through to 9,198 people.  It was impossible to hold them back when those 9,198 people stood up cheered and clapped for me.  I didn't do this just for me, it was for everyone that has battled or is battling this awful disease, supporters, families, and caregivers included.  Enjoy the pictures!  All pictures are courtesy of family, friends, and Just Sports Photography.

I was so thankful to be able to have my rock by my side!

Radiation began Monday, October 26 and is continuing to go very well. I have completed 20 treatments with 9 more to go.  I have some burning and the fatigue is setting in.  I can barely keep my eyes open each evening and often end up taking a nap.  Again, I can't complain!  My radiation oncologist, nurse, and rad techs are amazing!  I love Pinnacle Health!!!  

Yes, my hair is growing!  Cole takes pictures of my head every Sunday.  Enjoy the pictures!  There is one picture from each of the past 8 weeks.

As I continue to type, I keep thinking to what I really wanted to write about this time.  The truth.  The truth about how I really am doing.  The truth about my feelings, physical status, and so many other things.  I've daydreamed about what I would share with you.  I've shared a lot already, but there is sooooo much more.  It's difficult to write about this.  It's really, really, really difficult.  I'm more than willing to share this part, but just not sure why I can't yet.  I'm not afraid.  Not afraid of it making me look weak.  Not afraid of people knowing exactly what I went and am going through.  The only answer I have is what I keep telling my doctors and everyone I come in contact with.  I don't want it to feel like I am complaining.  I see and hear of soooo many others going through a much more difficult journey than I have. 
So here goes...It's an attempt, but I know it won't be what I originally envisioned and intended to write.
As I've stated before, when you ask me how I'm doing, I say I'm doing well.  Why?  Well, because I am.  I'm a survivor!  I conquered one of the worst things in this world.  I honestly believe that my mind hasn't grasped exactly what that means.  (Good Lord!  The tears are running down my face!  This is harder to write than I thought it would be.  But I'm going to try to continue...) 

Here's where I had a lot written and I couldn't fight the urge as I reread it all.  I deleted it.  I deleted all of it.  Maybe next time...

I just felt like I was complaining and I cannot bring myself to do that. 

This was my attempt, but not my failure.

But remember, I'm doing well.  

I finally put some of my feelings into words and have put more out there than I ever have.  But believe me, there's much more.  I just can't write any more.  I'm cried out for the day and the pain in my fingers, hands, wrists, and arms are forbidding me to write any more.

My journey is far from over.  I will continue to fight on as I continue treatment and surgeries.  As always, I cannot thank you enough for all of your love, support, and prayers.  As we approach Thanksgiving, I think about all that I am thankful for.  This year, the list has grown immensely.  I am, of course, so thankful for surviving.  But I'm so thankful that I have been given a new perspective on life.  I take more time to enjoy the little things.  I see things differently.  I encourage all of you to do the same and wish for you to encourage others to do the same.  Think about what is really worth complaining about.  Smile more.  Say hello to people that pass by you.  Compliment someone.  Be thankful!  Realize how blessed you are!  I feel I have always been appreciative.  But I realize it now more than ever!

Back to School!

I finally go back to school tomorrow, October 19!  I'm very excited...very excited to meet my students, to see everyone, and to get my life back in some sort of routine and normalcy.  
So, while I've been off work (school), here's what I've been doing - doctor's appointments with my breast surgeon, my plastic surgeon, my oncologist, physical therapist, and my radiation oncologist.  Oh, and I had appointments with my optometrist, my dentist, my primary care physician, and my acupuncturist.  I had some down time, but I felt like I was always at some doctor's appointment.  In that down time, or more like during my periods of insomnia, I binge-watched Scandal.  I admittedly also did some school work.  
Let me back up and tell you about my doctor's appointments.  One week after surgery, my pain pump and 1 of my 3 drains were removed.  One week later, I had the other 2 drains removed.  So happy to have them out!  Even better, I never felt them coming out!  I had my first expansion 1 week after surgery and quickly realized that it was too soon to have that done!  Ouch!  It's a neat process that I won't go into detail describing, but let's just say that I'm so glad the nerves don't exist in my breasts, or what used to be my breasts!  I'd rather not feel that large needle!  Expansion, or fills, aren't that bad.  My chest gets a bit tight, but muscle relaxers help.  I don't have pain with my expanders, just tightness from time to time.  I have a lot of skin irritation, though.  Everything is going well in regards to my incisions healing, no lymphedema (swelling), and expansion.  
I began hormone therapy about 3 weeks ago.  One of my next surgeries will be removing my ovaries.  I want to get through radiation before having that done, so it's a shot once a month for me to shut those babies down.  My cancer was estrogen-fed, thus the reason for needing/wanting this surgery.  I'm taking Exemestane daily to aide in this process of blocking estrogen.  It's a newer medicine as most patients take Tamoxifen.  I hear the side effects of Tamoxifen are rough.  I'm definitely having side effects, but I don't believe they are as bad as what they could be.  Can't say I'm thrilled about all of the hot flashes, body aches, pain, and sick feeling in my stomach every morning, but, I've heard worse.  As of now, I've agreed to stay on this medication...for the next 10 years!  
I've been cleared to have my port removed!!!  Another surgery to be scheduled, but no idea when.
I was supposed to have simulation for radiation (getting me marked and ready) on Friday, October 2.  I needed more expansion and more mobility in my right arm, so I was referred for physical therapy and rescheduled for simulation 2 weeks later.  Fortunately, I had simulation on Friday, October 16.  I'm ready to start radiation on Monday, October 26.  I will definitely have 24 treatments, possibly 29.
I appreciate the love, support, and prayers.  I ask for continued prayers for some uncertainties.  I choose to not go into detail at this time regarding this.  I continue to keep my positive attitude and high spirits!

Now for the fun stuff!
Here are pictures from the "I'm Bald and Beautiful" fashion show hosted by Pink Hands of Hope!  Cancer survivors were part of a fashion show.  During our walk, Alicia Richards from abc27 news read our story (our journey).  

Alicia Richards, Brian (owner of Pink Hands of Hope), and me 

Me during my walk in the fashion show

Dr. Lee (my oncologist), me, and Dr. Barton (my breast surgeon)

Supporting all survivors at the fashion show!

Here's one of my favorite pictures!  It was taken at Wildwood, NJ.  Cole and I were there for his sister's wedding last weekend.  I had no idea that I would be brought to tears while this picture was being taken.

These next pictures were taken during the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk yesterday (October 17) in Harrisburg, PA.  I was so happy to see my doctors and staff from Pinnacle Health!!  It was such a great time!  My team, Wendy's Warriors, had 20 walkers and we raised $1505.00!  It was very emotional at times, especially when the walk started as they played Rachel Platten's Fight Song.  I cannot listen to that song.  It doesn't just make me cry.  I bawl!  And when they played it yesterday, I bawled!  

 Wendy's Warriors!

Thank you to those that donated and joined our team!

I'm very proud to say that I made it the entire 3 miles!  I finished the race...in more ways than one!!!

So, where am I now?  I continue physical therapy.  I'm doing well on the right side of my body, but my left needs some work.  I continue to have difficulty raising and using that arm.  It will get better!

I'm hoping that all goes as planned and I start radiation on the 26th.  When radiation is over, I will continue expansion and prepare for the exchange surgery, but that is months away.  It's so nice to get through each phase of this journey.  But I've quickly learned that once you get through one phase and turn the corner, something else is waiting for you and you have no down time in between phases.  I've had no breaks since diagnosis and there are no breaks in sight for me for quite awhile.  But most continue to reassure me that the worst (chemo) is over.  So far, I agree.  It truly is such a long, emotional journey.  I pray that all of the pink this month raises awareness and everyone, not just women, are doing what they can to prevent going through what I have.  Remember, men get breast cancer, too.  

CANCER FREE!!!!!

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you" used to be the best words someone (Cole) has ever said to me.  They are still absolutely fantastic, don't get me wrong, but when your surgeon looks at you and says "CANCER FREE," you know those are the absolute best words ever!!!  September 1, 2015 - the day I was declared cancer free!!!  Yes, the tears were rolling and they still do!!

August 15, 2015 - Harrisburg Senators Paint the Park Pink Night

My family and Cole's family had a wonderful time at this game.  Cole and I went on the field prior to the game.  It was a touching moment.  It was neat seeing my name on the jersey.  Definitely brought on another "moment".

August 25, 2015 - My parents met us at our house and we arrived at the hospital right on time, 7:30 AM.  As I approached the machine to take a number, I told my family that it would be so cool if I got the same number as I did when I had my port put in.  Low and behold...

I was double 0 7 again!  #bondchic

It wasn't long until I was called back to pre-op and all of the pre-op procedures began.  Not one nervous feeling.  I thought the nerves would set in by this time, but honestly, they never did!  I was too excited and anxious to have the surgery.  

My surgery time was set for 9:30.  Well, 9:30 came and went quickly.  The surgery before mine was running over.  I was worried about that patient and prayed that they were ok.  It was after 12:00 some time when my anesthesiologist, Dr. Later (yep - not making that up), came in to see me.  He apologized for being late, made the jokes about being late and his name, and ran through all of the important information.  We had a good time carrying on and I told him about the text I sent out: "Laying on the OR table, 1 off, 1 to go".  I wanted him to know what he was dealing with!  Dr. Barton then came in to go over everything with me.  She marked the side that she would be removing lymph nodes from with her initials.  I told her, "Had I known that I could write on myself, I would've written bye-bye across my chest".  Dr. Barton already knows what she's dealing with!  Ha!  But I was still worried about her first patient so I made sure to ask if everything was ok.  Dr. Barton was happy that I was concerned about her patient and not upset that my surgery was running very late.  Fortunately, her patient was okay.  There just wasn't enough time booked for that surgery.

I received many texts that morning wishing me the best.  I thank you all for those as it meant so much reading them while I waited.  My colleagues at school sent me well wishes in their prettiest pink colors.

Around 1:00, my anesthesiologist and his assistant came to get me to take me to the OR.  Woo hoo!!!  Still no nerves!  My parents, Cole's mom, and Cole all kissed me and wished me the best!  One of the doctors said he was giving me a sedative to keep me calm.  I told him I didn't need it as I wasn't the least bit nervous.  He gave it to me anyway and I certainly felt it kick in as he was wheeling me down the hall.  I barely remember that trip.  I don't remember scooting onto the OR table, but I do remember them telling me to put my arms out to my sides and the oxygen mask being put on my face.  The next thing I knew, about 7 hours later, I was listening to people that were helping me get settled in my room.  I was in and out of sleep and remember very little of what I was saying and doing for the next several hours.  But I remember Cole telling me that everything went very well for both surgeries.  He told me that Dr. Barton said her surgery went even better than expected!  

Enjoy some pictures...

 Pre-op

 My cousin was watching Chance until I got home.

Letting everyone know I was doing well!

I was in the best of care at West Shore hospital!  Many, many thanks to everyone there!  Many thanks to Cole and my parents that took turns staying with me while I was in the hospital.  And much appreciation to my cousins that came to visit me while I was in there.  My apologies for not being very coherent!  They were some good meds!  :-) 

I also received some very beautiful flowers while I was in the hospital and shortly after coming home.

You know you're a super fan when your favorite team sends you flowers!!

Thank you, Hershey Bears!!!

My time in the hospital went very quickly and I was back home around 9:00 Thursday night - 2 days after surgery.  You would think that a double mastectomy would be very painful, especially having expanders put in under the breast tissue for immediate reconstruction.  Honestly, the pain hasn't been bad at all.  I have a lot of tightness across my chest more than anything.  I had a few muscle spasms, but I really can't feel anything on or in my chest.  You see, they took most of the nerves when doing the surgery, hence, not having much pain.  I also had a pain pump that put numbing medicine in my chest for several days.  My plastic surgeon removed that Monday, 6 days after surgery.  

1 week after my surgery, I met with Dr. Barton.  She informed me that surgery went very well.  She believes that the cancer was in me for years before it was discovered.  She also stated that before chemo I was stage 3c.  After chemo, she believes I was stage 2a.  Chemo worked!!!  And it worked more than they thought it ever would!!  She informed me that the cancer was gone.  I asked her, "Cancer free?"  She looked at me, smiled and said, "Cancer free!"  She walked over and gave me a big hug as I began to cry.

The next day, I received a phone call from Amy, from the Hershey Bears.  After congratulating me on the great news of being cancer free, she asked me if I would be interested in doing a ceremonial puck drop at the Breast Cancer awareness game on Sunday, October 25.  Wow!  I obviously committed!  I can't wait!  What a privilege to represent those dealing with and those that have dealt with breast cancer!!!

So now the healing continues.  I'm doing very well!  Anxiously awaiting the next step.  I will have some expansion done and then radiation will start.  

As always, thank you so very much for your continued prayers and support!!!  They're definitely working!!!  Love to you all!!!

Chemo Complete!!!

It's so hard to believe how quickly time is passing!  The world stood still when I was diagnosed.  Time truly flew by during treatment and I couldn't be more thankful that it did!  It's been over a month since my last post and I have great news!!!
The unfortunate news is that neuropathy (numbness, tingling, and pain) set in and I was unable to receive my last 2 treatments.  The neuropathy isn't horrible, but it's too widespread and too severe to continue treatment, so July 21st was my last treatment - 1 day after my 38th birthday!!!  I was disappointed that I couldn't finish treatment, but it wasn't a huge concern for my oncologist since it was only 2 treatments.  In a way, I feel like I didn't meet a goal. 

I had a PET scan on Monday, August 3rd.  I wasn't worried about this one.  I was excited for the results.  I met with my oncologist on August 4th and she went over the results of the PET scan with Cole and I.  Great news!!!  Nothing "lit up like a Christmas tree"!  No signs of cancer!  But that doesn't mean that there still isn't some little specks remaining there.  It just isn't detectable on this scan.  And right after she explained the great news, I heard it.  The word you don't want to hear...  "But..."  NO!!!!  I just wanted to celebrate the great news.  Give me the "but" on a different day.  Her words, "There is something that showed up on your liver.  I'm sending you for an MRI."  Seriously!?!  I'm so thankful that she's so thorough!  I had such a an awful time trying to celebrate the good news because this was lingering.  I had to wait nearly a week.  On Monday, August 10th, the technician doing the MRI walked over to me and said, "I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be looking for on this, but everything is clear.  Your liver is fine."  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!  He reminded me that he wasn't the expert reading the scans, but he should easily see something if there was something wrong with my liver.  I was so relieved!!!  Dr. Lee called me that evening to verify that the results of my MRI were clear!  Nothing wrong with my liver!  
I met with my surgeon today.  My surgery is scheduled for August 25, the first day of school.  I'm super excited for my surgery, but super saddened that it's on the first day of school.  It's been a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, scans, and tests, with more to come prior to surgery, but it's all good this time around.  I'm not stressing and worrying.  I'm excited!  
It is such a relief to be done with chemotherapy.  I know I went through a lot with that, but time really did pass quickly.  I recently reflected on exactly what all I went through.  I still choose not to complain about physical side effects.  There are so many others out there that have experienced far worse symptoms than I have.  I can't complain, even though my doctors tell me otherwise.  The physical side effects were rough.  I'm still experiencing a few, but I know that most will soon subside.  But I also know that it could take a year for the neuropathy to disappear.  I made a list of all of the physical side effects I experienced.  36.  That includes some of them grouped together.  For example, neuropathy is actually 3 things, but I only counted it as 1.  And these are only the physical.  I didn't list the social and emotional side effects.  Regardless of what I experienced, I realized how strong I truly am.  Going through chemo isn't an easy thing!  But it sure did benefit me!  I pray I never have to do that again!
So, moving forward...I'm looking forward to surgery and the moment when my doctors tell me I am cancer-free!  I've cried many tears for so many different reasons throughout all of this, but I know that I will bawl like a baby when they tell me those magical words!  I'm so ready!!!

Looking ahead!

Wow!  Time has really passed quickly since my last post!  I hope it continues to go just as fast!  I'm sure I'm the only teacher right now wishing that summer passes so quickly!  I'm actually ready for next summer to be over!  You'll discover why as you read through this post.

I am now 5 treatments in on the new chemo, Abraxane.  It's not a common chemo that patients receive.  And to be honest, I believe I may be the only patient receiving this kind in the center at this time.  But I'm so thankful for this kind as I'm doing so much better on this kind than the Taxol!  No fever, no chills, no cough!!!  Some pain from time to time and my white blood cell count has dropped twice, but not enough that I haven't been able to receive treatment.  To get my count up, (2 weeks ago and this week), I get a shot of Neupogen the next 2 days after treatment.  No biggie!  They could cause me more pain, but I'm fortunate that I haven't really had an increase in pain.  I pray that goodness continues! 

The worst part about this new chemo is the fact that it's weekly and has extended my treatment.  I will now receive a treatment every Tuesday through August 4th.  I only have 4 treatments remaining!  Woo hoo!!!!  #chemocountdown  26 days!!!
June 30 was a bittersweet day as it was originally going to be my last treatment day for chemo had I remained on Taxol.  With that being said, I'm soooooo thankful to be off Taxol and on Abraxane.  I couldn't handle the side effects Taxol was giving me.  For those of you reading this that made it through the Taxol treatments without the side effects, you are so fortunate and I'm so jealous!  

I'm so ready for the next step in ridding my body of this cancer!  And that next step is surgery - a bilateral mastectomy.  At this time, my surgery is scheduled for Thursday, September 10.  I can't wait!!!  As you may remember, I was anxious to start chemotherapy, too.  Why?  It's getting me closer to getting me healthy!  And of course, becoming a SURVIVOR!!!  I'm so ready for surgery because I can't wait for my doctors to tell me that the cancer is gone!  My ultimate goal!  But of course, I have to prepare myself for the fact that they may not be able to get it all.  I originally had 4 spots.  I won't know how much remains until my PET scan (August 3rd).  2 of the 4 spots are inoperable due to their location, so hopefully the chemo has gotten rid of them and the radiation will totally finish them off.  I'm not worried about the spot on my right breast as that will be removed in surgery.  The mass under my arm I believe will be the most troublesome to remove, especially if it's still attached to nerves.  But I continue to remain nothing but positive!!!

Even after surgery, I have a very long road ahead of me.  And I'm not just talking about the recovery.  I will have radiation after that (5 days a week for 5-8 weeks - the time period is all yet to be determined), I will need physical therapy, and hormone therapy.  Oh, and the reason I'm ready for next summer to be over with, I'll need at least 1 more surgery to complete the reconstruction process.  I plan to do that next summer.  I unfortunately have to take at least 6 weeks off school this year for the first surgery.  If at all possible, I don't want to have to take off again for another surgery.  It's difficult to think of another summer spent healing, but it will be so worth it!

Overall, I'm doing as well as can be expected.  The worst side effect is losing taste.  It lasts about 2 days and can be very rough/frustrating.  My oldest nephew told me today to suck on a lemon.  I told him that I believe I could eat the whole thing and it wouldn't phase me.  I am not a lemon fan!

I'm ready for the next 4 weeks (4 treatments) to pass.  I'm thrilled that I get to start the school year, even if it's only for 11 days!  And I'm ready to get out of the house for more than a few hours!  Cole and I are headed to Arlington, VA tomorrow!  We go to the Washington Capitals Rookie Development camp every summer.  We were contemplating skipping it this year due to my health, but we just need to get away!  And we need our summer hockey fix!  So this is our summer trip!  While so many are enjoying their beach trips, we'll be visiting the ice rink!  I'm totally fine with that!

I ask that you say a prayer for a friend that was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  She's a beautiful girl with a beautiful family and a beautiful soul!  I know that she will be fine and will also get through this.  But we all know that prayer is powerful and can only help her and her family.  I hope and pray that I can help make her journey just a bit easier. 

As always, thank you for your continued support and thank you for continuing my journey with me!  I'm kickin' this! 

Highs and Lows

A lot has happened since my last post.  I'll try to keep it short!

*Saturday, May 16 - My first scary moment since starting treatment ended up with an emergency room visit.  My fever spiked too high and I had to go to the ER to have lab work done to be sure I didn't have an infection.  2 and a half hours later, I was on my way home with great numbers, no infection, and a prescription for an antibiotic in case an infection was developing.  Whew!

*Tuesday, May 19 - My first treatment of Taxol - starting the new chemo!  Treatment #5 of 8!  My oncologist informed me that 99% of people have no reaction to the preservative that this chemo is in.  I prayed that I was in that 99%!  I was!  Hallelujah!  Treatment went well and I was on my way home!
The next night (after the Neulasta shot), the pain began to set in.  My regimen for pain management was 800mg of Ibuprofen, 3 hours later = 1000mg of Tylenol, 3 hours later = 800 of Ibuprofen, 3 hours later = 1000mg of Tylenol...repeat process.  I also took Claritin and Zantac each twice a day.  If the Ibuprofen and Tylenol didn't cut the pain, I had a prescription for Oxycodone.  Fortunately, I didn't need that.  The pain would have to get much worse for me to take that.  I was managing but was getting disgusted when I counted the number of pills I took over the course of 3 days!  On top of the pain, the shortness of breath was scary - I was literally gasping for breath several times.  Walking 10 steps was exhausting.  I developed the worst cough of my life, literally coughing until I gagged many times.  Then the fevers set in.  They weren't high enough for me to call in, but the cough was out of control.

*Tuesday, May 26 - I went to school and as soon as I got there, I called my nurse navigator, my "go to girl", Apryl.  I described the cough to her, she talked to my oncologist and then called me back.  I was ordered to get a chest x-ray.  It was late afternoon until I got it done and my doctor had left for the day, so she would read it the next morning and let me know the results.

*Wednesday, May 27 - 102.7 temperature at 5:30 AM!  I had no choice but to call in and head back to the ER!  Ugh!  Fever, chills, headache, shortness of breath...For the first time, I told Cole that "I felt like a cancer patient" and I cried because I never wanted to feel that way.  It was so hard for me to ask him to get me a wheelchair because I couldn't walk a few steps without getting out of breath or feeling like I might fall because I was so weak.  I was at an ultimate low and tried my hardest to think happy thoughts.  I hated that feeling!  I continuously apologized because I hated the fact that I was once again taking Cole away from his work.  And unfortunately for him, it was the worst timing for him to be away from work.  We're so grateful that his colleagues are so helpful and understanding!  It makes it a bit less stressful for us, but it's still so difficult in so many ways.
I spent most of the day in the ER getting hydrated and having tests and scans done.  Once again, everything was fine.  No infection.  My numbers were great!  I was discharged with another prescription for an antibiotic.

Shortly after arriving home, I received a call from the Harrisburg Senators.  Cole submitted an application to have my name appear on the their jerseys for their breast cancer awareness game on Saturday, August 15.  They called to tell me that my name will be on their jerseys.  I cried.

*Thursday, May 28 - I decided to take the day off and rest.

*Friday, May 29 - I was determined to go to school.  I was so tired of sitting on the couch.  I went to school for an hour and had to leave as I was way too weak and starting to develop another fever.  I spent the day on the couch.

*Saturday, May 30 - A dear friend and colleague of mine, Chelsea was coming over with her husband that morning.  Her husband, Tony, has a landscaping business and I asked him for a quote as Cole and I were not able to keep up with things outside the house.  I love working outside and I physically haven't been able to be outside to do anything.  Cole told me that he was going for coffee and taking Chance (our dog) along with him.  Not more than a minute after Cole walked out the door, I heard a lot of noise.  I thought it was coming from the TV and didn't pay much attention to it until it started getting louder.  I muted the TV and realized that my name was being chanted.  What in the world!?!?!  I looked out the front door and saw a dump truck hauling my friends down our driveway!  (Still makes me cry every time I picture it!)  Dear God I have the best friends ever!!!!  They all got together and planned this surprise for me.  I'm still speechless.  They are amazing!  Even though 2 of them yelled at me to stay put when I tried to get up off the couch to give hugs!  I was scared at what would happen if I didn't listen to them!  Thanks Jenn and Leslie!  I've learned my lesson!

*Sunday, May 31 - Cole and I went into my classroom to begin packing things away for the summer.  I didn't know when I was going to make it back to school and I didn't want anyone else to have to worry about packing my stuff away and I had to prepare things for the last week of school.  It was difficult to make lesson plans for the last week!  But I had to be prepared!  I am so grateful that he was able to help me.  I hated sitting while I gave him instructions of where to put things.  Being dependent is really difficult for me!  

*Monday, June 1 - I still was not feeling up to par and decided to take another day off to rest.  I actually made the decision to take off the remainder of the school year.  A very hard decision for me to make, but I knew I had to think more about myself and my health.  I was thankful I took the day off as my oncologist ordered more scans/tests for me as I still had a cough and fevers, but thankfully not as severe.  I spent most of the day at Harrisburg Hospital getting a sonogram of my legs, chest x-ray, and a VQ scan (to check my lungs).  She wanted to be sure there were no blood clots.  Fortunately, everything was fine and I was on schedule to get my next chemo treatment the next day.

*Tuesday, June 2 - Cole had to be at work for an important event that evening/night.  He left when the Benadryl began to kick in and my parents came to be with me during this treatment.  Mom sat with me for awhile then went to the waiting room while the Benadryl worked.  I was glad my parents were in the waiting room and were not witness to what happened next.  As they began the Taxol treatment, I began having an allergic reaction to the preservative that the chemo is in.  Remember how I was originally in the 99%?  Yeah, well, that quickly changed!  I was now actually in the less than 1% of people that react after the first treatment.  It was definitely a scary moment.  It became difficult for me to breathe.  The heat I felt start in my chest and rush to my head was indescribable.  The nurses said I was really red in the face/head.  As soon as I began having a hard time breathing and felt hot, I said, "I feel hot.  Help!"  They immediately rushed to me, stopped the Taxol, and gave me a steroid to counteract everything.  I am so thankful that I was able to call for help and that they were watching close by.  It was hard to get the words out as anyone that has had Benadryl knows how that makes a person feel.  I was so lethargic, but knew what was going on.  Looking back, I feel like I should have been scared of the situation, but honestly, I wasn't too concerned.  Maybe I wasn't fully aware of what was happening.  This just goes to prove how much faith and trust I have in the people that are taking care of and treating me.  They are nothing short of amazing!!!  

As they were "working on me," I was barely able to open my eyes a few times.  They gave me more Benadryl and that made me even more out of it.  The one time I opened my eyes, Dr. Lee, my oncologist was standing in front of me.  I smiled and said, "I'm sorry."  Once again, I was the one causing the panic/action at the cancer center.  Go figure!  I kept my humor through it all.  Needless to say, I was not able to get chemo this day.  I had to come back the next day since my magnesium level was so low.  Dr. Lee wanted to run labs to be sure my level went back up and stayed up.

*Wednesday, June 3 - To my surprise, I felt REALLY good on this day!  This was the best I had felt for several days!  I went to the cancer center, had blood drawn, and was able to go home when my labs came back with great news!  Dr. Lee said she would be in contact to let me know what the next step was for chemo.

*Thursday, June 4 - I made the decision to go to school today for a half day.  The children were leaving at 1:00 and I knew I could make it through the afternoon.  That only left an hour for me with the children and the rest of the time I would be working in my classroom.  I did well and made it through the afternoon!  So of course I was planning to do the same thing Friday afternoon!  How could I miss their last day of school!?!

Dr. Lee called me that evening to inform me that she discussed my case at a conference and was interested in pursuing the Taxol with desensitization - meaning lots of pre-treatment to avoid the reaction.  She asked me how I felt about that and I admitted that it scared me, but I completely trusted her and the decision.  She was in contact with another doctor to get her opinion and after hearing back from this doctor, she called me back to let me know that I would no longer receive Taxol.  I would now get Abraxane...weekly...for 9 more weeks.  I have now been set back a little over a month and will not have surgery as scheduled in July.  I was looking forward to getting my last chemo treatment on June 30.  It will now be August 4.  I'm saddened by how far this put me back, but I have no choice.  It is what it is and I will do what I need to do.  I have to focus on me and kicking this for good.

*Friday, June 5 - It was a sad day!  When I heard a student say, "You were the best teacher ever, even though you weren't here for a lot of it!"  it broke my heart.  I know I missed several days, especially at the end of the year, but at that moment, it hit hard.  I fought tears.  This was an amazing group of children and I was so sad that I had to end the school year with them, especially in this manner.  They will never know what they helped me accomplish and how they helped me get through these past several months.  Yes, it was stressful keeping up with school work and managing my health, but it gave me something to look forward to.  It will be nice not having to worry about getting plans done, not knowing if I will be able to go to school, preparing for substitutes just in case, etc.  But...  

Even more difficult than the side effects of the chemo and even the allergic reaction I had was missing out on the special events at my school.  I missed our field trip, field day, race for education, behavior rewards, underwater reading adventure, and our 5th grade graduation.  I'm sure there was more that I missed, but these are the biggies.  Yes, our school is absolutely amazing and we go out of our way to be sure our students (and staff) have the time of their lives!  I tried not to let my mind think about what I was missing.  Instead, I tried to think about the fun times that I knew the children were experiencing.  I love to be involved in school activities and more importantly, being right there with the children!  Not being there with them was more difficult than I could imagine!  Looking at pictures that people posted on Facebook and shared through texts and email was so hard.  I was so happy to see the pictures, but you can only imagine the hurt.  I believe what made it hurt so much is the fact that I spent so many years of my life having to miss out on fun things due to a health condition.  And to be missing out on fun things yet again to due a health condition is unbearable!  Once I get through this, I vow to never miss out on such things again due to health issues!  Emotionally, it is awful!  It hurts worse than most physical pain!  

And so round 2 begins - again!  Prayers for a successful treatment this coming Tuesday!  And for the next 8 Tuesdays!  

So much for keeping it short!  Ha!

Thank you all again so very much for your kind words, thoughts, prayers, help, cards, gifts, and most importantly, love!  I definitely hit some lows throughout the past couple of weeks, but I've bounced back and am ready to roll!  This is a tough battle, but I've got this!  I promise!