C1D1

For those of you that may not know, that stands for cycle 1 day 1.  And now day 1 is in the books!  I rocked it!  Ok, well, to be totally honest, I did well...after I got through the blood work part.  
After checking in, I went back to have blood drawn through my port, my still very tender, sore, healing port.  The awesome nurse missed the port on the first try only because it was still so new.  I blame nothing on her.  She was nothing short of amazing.  Some of you reading this may not understand how I cannot blame her.  But I don't.  The pressure from her pushing on it was not fun.  It hurt.  Did I mention that this area is still healing so it's very sore still.  (Ok, I don't have chemo brain yet and I know I mentioned that.  Here's your warning, I will continue to mention how this area is still healing.)  She got it on the second try and was able to draw blood immediately.  And I immediately began to feel lightheaded.  Very, very, very lightheaded.  I tried to fight it off and tell myself that the feeling would pass.  Those thoughts lasted approximately 1 minute, if that.  I told her that I was going to pass out and asked for a cold, wet washcloth.  As I stated before, needles, blood, etc. do not bother me.  But because of the port area still healing and being sore (see, I told you I would mention it again), this was a traumatic event.  The nurse kept telling me to keep my eyes open.  Wow!  That was sooooo hard!  4 people were working diligently to keep me from passing out.  1 person was standing with Cole.  They put 2 cold, wet washcloths on me, fanned me, pulled my hair back, helped me strip down to my cami, and here's the best...I got to take part in a hockey player's favorite...smelling salts!  Wow!  I now understand why people make the faces they do when they sniff those things.  Holy cow!  It didn't take me too long to come around.  That staff is amazing!!!!  I owe them chocolate, or something even better when I go in next time.  
I met with my oncologist.  She went over all of my chemo and nausea medications.  The nausea typically doesn't set in till the day after and will most likely last for a few days.  I have to say that that is the part that I "fear" the most.  The part I dislike the most.  Therefore, I will do as she orders, cover don't chase.  I need to take those meds to prevent the nausea and not wait.  I'm one that will hold out and hope it goes away.  I won't with this.  I want to prevent, not treat this nausea.  She did an exam and measured the tumor (lymph node) under my right arm.  She will do this to keep track of the size of it as I go through treatment.  It did grow by about 2mm, but remember, I haven't had any treatment before today.  I'm confident that it's done growing now!  She asked me if I was ready to get started.  I smiled, really big, and said, "I'm so ready!"  I told her how I shocked a friend yesterday when they asked me about today.  I told this friend the same thing.  "I'm so ready!" I've been saying this and it's so true!  Dr. Lee looked at my husband and asked, "Is she always this positive?"  He was honest when he said, "Not always, but always with this."
I then went for my first treatment.  I was so ready!  Cole and I walked into our "own room" as opposed to a chair amongst many other chairs.  I believe this may be standard for first-timers.  I sat down and they asked me if I wanted a cupcake.  I'm not going to pass up a cupcake!  They then told me the most wonderful thing!  It was a patient's last day for chemo.  My heart was so happy for this lady!  I kept hoping that I would have the opportunity to speak with her.  About halfway through my treatment, this lady came over to my room and sat down with Cole and I.  It was the most amazing conversation.  I will never forget it.  She wasn't preachy. She was herself.  She shared stories as did I.  It was so special for me, and I hope the same for her, to have my first treatment on the same day and same time that she was receiving her last.  She also told me that on her first treatment day, she was in the same room as me and it was another patient's last treatment day.  Everything happens for a reason!!!  

Me during my first treatment...

In my awesome, new, PURPLE hoodie!  Thanks, Suzanne!

Me relaxing at home with my sidekick, our 2 year old puppy, Chance...

Covered in my awesome, new, homemade blanket!  Thanks, Jenn!

I'm feeling just okay tonight.  I'm very tired.  I admit that this took a toll on my body.  I knew in the back of my mind that it probably would, but wasn't willing to admit that until I felt it for sure.  Reread that again for those of you that know me well.  These are tough words to type.  I feel fortunate though as I know that if this were a few years ago, I would probably be hugging the toilet.  As my doctor told me, those days are over.  Thank you to those in the medical profession working to help everyone.  Not just me and people with cancer, but for everyone suffering with so many different diseases/illnesses.  

I'm hoping to make it to school tomorrow, but that will be a last minute decision.  Thursday is the day I really want to be in school.  My amazing friends have organized a special event for me, at my request.  Yes, I actually reached out and asked for help.  I am getting my head shaved after school.  It's a given that I will lose my hair.  I'm perfectly fine with that!  I have always dreamed of donating my hair to Locks of Love or Beautiful Lengths.  I want to do this before it starts falling out.  Thursday is the day!  I will definitely post pictures.

So many more thank yous to Cole's amazing family that surprised me on Sunday with a get-together.  I'm so happy that they were able to see me and know that I truly am determined and ready to kick this.  But I'm even more grateful that they were able to see Cole and know that he is doing well!  It was a great time!  I enjoyed chatting with his aunt who survived and beat breast cancer.  She passed on a bracelet to me that she wore while she was being treated.  I now wear that and will pay it forward as requested when I am done.  

And more thank yous to my amazing coworkers that surprised me with a ton of goodies Monday after school.  You are all more than amazing!  Please know how special and important to me you all are!  You make my heart so happy!  As we were sorting through everything, Cole asked me why I was crying.  I told him that it was hard.  He asked "What is hard?".  Hard because I was upset about everything going on?  Or hard because I was physically seeing things that represented how much and how many people care?  It was definitely the latter!  No question.  I can handle this disease and this treatment.  That part doesn't really make me cry anymore.  I am truly blessed!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you all so very much!!!

Blessings in Disguise

I cannot start this post any other way than by telling you about the second best celebration in my life.  The first being my wedding day.  

Cole is my biggest support throughout this journey.  Because of him, the above picture happened!  These are some of my closest friends, my biggest supporters.  The first blessing I write about in this post.

 I'm a tough one to surprise.  Other than the day Cole proposed to me, I don't think I have ever been surprised.  Wednesday night, this group literally scared me when they yelled "Surprise!"  I was on a mission to help a friend and never saw them sitting to my right as I was headed up the stairs.  To this day, I don't know how long it would have taken me to see them had they not yelled "Surprise!"  Seriously!  This celebration was perfect!!!  It was a celebration.  A celebration of friendship, love, and my journey.  There truly aren't enough words to tell them how grateful I am for having them in my life!  I love them so very much!!!  I can't wait to celebrate with them again when this journey has reached the best possible outcome!

The second blessing...Cole visited a shop called Pink Hands of Hope located not too far from where we live.  He had the best conversation with the founder/owner.  It was nice to hear Cole say that he enjoyed having someone to talk to.  This journey isn't just about me.  It's about us and everyone I know and come in contact with.  This cancer is affecting everyone around me.  I cannot wait to go to his shop on Saturday and meet this amazing man!  15 times he has given $1000 to women experiencing breast cancer to help pay their bills!  The things he has done to help so many people!  I love stories like this!  Here's a link to their web page http://pinkhands.org/   and to their Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/PinkHandsOfHope   Please give them a like!  Even better, a visit to their store if you're nearby!

It was nice having several days without having to run all around for tests and scans.  It was even better not having to miss any days of school!  But Thursday, March 19 came and I was headed to the new, less than a year old, West Shore hospital to get my (hopefully purple) port.  We arrived and were checked in quickly.  Tell me this isn't a kick @$$ sign...

Double 0 7!!!  #bondgirl

(Sorry that the pic is on its side.  No matter what I tried, I couldn't get it rotated.)

Shortly after arriving and registrating, I was taken back to room 4 (was hoping for 3, but...) to begin prep work for my port.  Robin, my nurse, was so kind, caring, compassionate, etc.  She is awesome!  Anyone in her care is in the best of hands!  The first task was to have an IV put in.  This has never proven to be a challenge for anyone!  Ever!  And I've had numerous IVs!  They can always get it on the first try.  Patty, God love her, tried in my right arm near the bend in my arm.  Unsuccessful.  She tried my left hand where she wiggled the needle a bit to hopefully get it to go through.  Unsuccessful.  She looked for a better place but chose to not stick me again.  They called the IV team.  I feel bad that I don't remember her name, but the next lady tried my right arm, a couple of inches up from my wrist.  Unsuccessful.  Hmmmmm....  With never have experienced this problem before, I was a bit worried.  She tried the underside of my right arm.  She also wiggled the needle a bit to try to get it to go through.  Unsuccessful.  Only me!!!  She went to my left arm.  Finally got it!!!  But I had to get "stuck" again because I needed blood work and they couldn't even get blood drawn from the other needle sticks. They told me that Cole was permitted to come back at this time, nearly an hour and a half or so after I first went back.  He thought I already had the port put in.  My surgeon for this procedure came in and spoke with me about the procedure.  Cole and I felt that our Bond saga continued as my surgeon introduced himself.  Dr. Pennypacker!  Can't make this up!  Doesn't that just sound like a Bond movie character!?!  

As they wheeled me out of my room to the operating room, I noticed the time.  9:15.  My students were just coming in to my classroom.  Tears...

It took so much more time to set up everything in the operating room than it did to do the actual procedure.  Yes, I was awake for it.  They gave me a very mild sedation.  And lots of warm blankets!  Oh how I love the warm blankets!

I was wheeled back to room 4 at 10:30 feeling very little discomfort.  By the time I was wheeled out in a wheelchair (only because it's mandatory - Ugh!) to the car a little after 12:00, I was feeling the pain.  Since this journey began, this was the worst procedure/worst pain I've had.  I've definitely had worse pain from my past medical condition, but this hurt!  3 Extra Strength Tylenol worked.  Thank goodness!  Another blessing!

Here's a picture of the aftermath.  I took this picture this morning.  

I believe Dr. Pennypacker did an amazing job!  Difficulty seeing the 2 incisions?  The top one is to put a tube into the port.  The bottom incision is where he inserted the port...the PURPLE port!!!  Yes, I got a purple port!!!  I asked the doctor in the OR before he put it in.  No, I wouldn't have asked for a different one if I wasn't getting a purple one.  I would've just been jealous of those that have a purple one.

I awoke this morning at 5:00 knowing that they were calling for bad weather and that I had an EKG scheduled for 7:00.  Thank goodness for a 2 hour delay for school because now I could spend more time getting ready for school after the EKG.  It was tough getting ready, but I am proud to say that I did it all myself!  Even put on and tied my own shoes!  It's the little things!  Last night and this morning, I thought about calling in to reschedule, but feared that I wouldn't be able to get in before my first treatment on Tuesday, which would delay that.

And yet, another blessing...Shortly after arriving, a lady (identity to rename anonymous, but I will never forget her name) came to the waiting room to take me back for my EKG.  On the way back, I told her about having a medi port put in yesterday.  I showed it to her and she said she would be working in that area but would be extremely careful.  I told her that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, thus the reason for the port.  She asked me my name and height.  She tried to ask me my weight, but couldn't get the words out.  She was crying.  I smiled and told her it was okay as I assumed she was upset about my diagnosis or perhaps someone close to her was diagnosed, or...the possibilities for her sadness were endless.  She apologized, gathered herself together as best she could, and proceeded to ask the questions she needed for the EKG.  She continued to be very teary-eyed.  I again reassured her that everything was okay.  She then told me that she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  Wow!  She said, "You are handling this so much better than I am."  I told her that everyone takes the news so differently.  No cases are the same and you have every right to handle it how you choose.  She looked at my rings and asked if I was married.  I said yes.  She then told me that her husband recently left her.  I was so saddened.  I know it happens.  I know everyone cannot handle it.  And now I knew why I didn't go through with calling to reschedule.  We talked throughout the whole procedure.  We laughed, we got teary-eyed, and we knew we would get through this!  I was put with her for a reason!  Everything happens for a reason!!!  As I exited the building, I thanked God for not allowing me to call to reschedule!  I hope I have provided some inspiration for her.  More importantly, I hope I helped her realize that she is so much stronger than she realizes!  Tears are not a sign of weakness!

I've lost count of the blessings mentioned in this post, but another one surely was a global connect phone call from Mr. Richard W. Fry stating that school was now closed.  God, or Old Man Winter, knew I was going to school today.  I believe they also knew I should be home resting.  So here I sit blogging.  I'm doing report cards next.  My goal is to have them done before my first treatment because I have no idea how I'm going to feel in the days after treatment.  They have to be done and I'm taking advantage of the time.

My first treatment...this coming Tuesday, March 24.  Nearly a month after receiving the call from Dr. Barton telling me that the biopsy revealed cancer.  I've been through a lot these past several weeks.  I know I will be going through so much more in the next several months.  But I'm ready.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, but honestly, I'm so much more ready than scared!  I can't be scared of being healed!  That's an exciting thought, no matter how far away it is!  I know it's coming!  I'm ready for more blessings!!!

During the celebration my friends had for me, I overheard a friend say "It's not fair."  I agree, it's not fair.  This is honestly the first time I have said these words.  I honestly have never once questioned "why".  I know why.  I know that I can handle this, educate as I'm educated, and hopefully provide inspiration for others.  I was only angry for about 10 minutes and this wasn't until after I was told about the third and fourth spots.  I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say that if it had to be someone, I'm glad it was me.  I'm a strong person and I will continue to take whatever life throws at me.  I'm ready and I will kick its ass!  Shame on cancer for thinking it can mess with me.  And not just me...my husband, my family, my friends...

My continued appreciation for all that everyone is doing for me!  The greatest of these being prayers and love!  A huge shout out to Margaret.  She sent me a wonderful message and told me about a book called The Courage Muscle:  A Chicken's Guide to Living With Breast Cancer.  If  Monique Doyle Spencer hadn't written this book, I know I would have.  Whether or not you are or have been affected by someone with breast cancer, you really need to read it!

Purple and a Pinky Promise

I write in purple for a few reasons.  Most people know it's my favorite color.  Purple roses were the first flowers Cole sent to me!  This began my love for purple.  The other reasons will be revealed later in this blog.

Here are my two newest heroes, Dr. Barton, my surgeon, and Dr. Lee, my oncologist.

Thursday, March 12, 2015:  I love my doctors and all facilities I have been to, but I was so happy to get through an entire day without a phone call from any doctors' offices!  Especially having student-led conferences this night from 4-8 PM!  Conferences went well, very well!  It was so great seeing all my students' families and having my students show their work and things we do in the classroom to their family.  Thanks to all who stopped by to wish me well!  It means more than you will ever know!  There are no words to describe how appreciative I am of all that take time to wish me well, give me a hug, send me a message, etc.  I think about these things and often reread messages.  My support system is amazing!!! 

Friday, March 13, 2015:  Friday the 13th!  Again!  I wasn't worried!  But I was a nervous wreck waiting to be called back to the procedure room.  We couldn't wait to get all of the results and to get the treatment plan.  I am so happy with the promptness of the staff and Dr. Barton!  The only reason Cole and I have to wait awhile in the waiting room is because we arrive so early.  For those that know me, go figure, right!?!  
We were taken back to the procedure room and Dr. Barton entered soon after the nurse was finished taking my vitals.  She explained about the 2 new spots near my clavicle that were found through the PET scan.  She did a biopsy right away on one of the spots.  She called me a "trooper" as she had to get a sample of the spot 3 times.  Again, this procedure didn't hurt or bother me in any way.  The numbness spread down my arm so it was actually quite amusing trying to use my limp arm to sign paperwork!  
She proceeded to inform us that the tiny spot on my right breast, the 1 cm, yes, 1 cm spot was the root cause of the cancer.  The cancer spread from this tiny spot to the breast tissue in my arm pit and to the areas near my clavicle.  This spot was never found on a mammogram, nor could it have been due to how small it was.  It was only discovered through the first MRI.  Finding this spot was a blessing because it helped Dr. Barton diagnose me, advanced stage 3 breast cancer, not just the mucinous carcinoma as she originally thought.  This is a mixed ductal mucinous carcinoma.  Still an uncommon form, but treatable.  Treatable with chemotherapy.  
By the way, Dr. Barton, and other doctors at the cancer conference found no connections with this cancer to the neck, shoulder, and arm pain I had/have.  There were no signs of it on any of the previous MRIs.  I still have a hard time believing that there is no connection.  I haven't closed this case yet.  But it's definitely on the back burner.
I met with my oncologist after Dr. Barton was finished.  Dr. Lee is just as phenomenal as Dr. Barton!  My "go to girl" Apryl sat with us through Dr. Lee's consultation.  She's absolutely amazing!  Everyone I have come in contact with has been absolutely amazing!  I cannot say enough good things about everyone!  Sooooo much information in just a short amount of time!  But Dr. Lee explained everything in simple terms from the port, to the chemo meds, to the side effects, to...everything.  
This brings me to the next purple thing!  They told me that I would get a purple bracelet to wear to show that I had a port.  Yay!  Purple!  Then I was shown a purple port so of course I was excited and asked if my port would be purple.  It's possible!  Yay!  But I'm happy with the purple bracelet even if my port won't be purple.  Just to clarify and for those that are unfamiliar with a port, it's a small device that will be inserted under my skin.  They will use this to inject the chemo and other meds as well as do blood work when needed.  
Here's a picture of the port they showed me and how it will be put in/look under my skin.  It will be placed near my collar bone on my left side.

It was a lot to take in this morning, but I honestly, easily held it together.  It's certainly not easy to go through all of this and I can absolutely understand how people break down and have such a hard time dealing with all of this.  I still have my "moments" and always will.  But I am so thankful for my positive attitude and ability to be able to handle this horrible situation so easily.  
There were only 2 times when I got teary-eyed today.  The first was when I talked about my students and my need to be in school as much as I possibly could throughout this whole process.  This made Apryl teary-eyed because she has a first grader.  The second time I teared up was when Dr. Lee told me that I had to reach out and ask for help.  It was the quietest I was all morning.  I don't know how to do this.  I fully admit that.  I have always told Cole that I am "Miss Independent".  He made me pinky promise on the way home that I would ask for help.  I tell my students that I never make a promise I can't keep.  For those of you reading this, I ask you to please remind me of this pinky promise.  It will be the hardest promise I have ever made.  
I told Dr. Lee that I went to school after the MRI-guided biopsy and was going to school after today's appointment.  She knew it was going to be hard for me to have to ask for help.  She said to Apryl, "We're gonna have a hard time with this one (me)."  Yeah, this whole "cancer" thing won't keep me down and yes, I am stubborn because I don't want or know how to ask for help.  Yes, they're going to have a hard time, I won't deny that.  But I promise it will be a fun, hard time!  
I didn't cry or tear up when she told me the side effects.  Not even when she said, "You will lose your hair."  I told her I would embrace baldness.  She then told me that the American Cancer Society gives a free wig to cancer patients.  Hmmmm...I'll look into it, but I'm still not thrilled about it.

Apryl took us on a tour of the facility so we knew where to go and what to expect when we arrive for my first treatment.  I admit, it was tough to see patients sitting in the waiting room and patients receiving their treatments knowing that I would be sitting in one of those chairs soon.  But I'm ready.  I'm sooooo ready to kick this.  

I will have my port put in on Thursday followed by an EKG (for safety measures - to be sure I have no existing heart issues) on Friday.  I knew there were a lot of "things" a cancer patient has to go through and those "things" differ by patient and type of cancer.  But until you know someone personally and they share everything they go through with you or you experience it yourself, you have no idea exactly everything they go through.  I've realized how little I knew.

We are more at peace knowing the diagnosis and treatment plan.  I will begin my first round of chemo on Tuesday, March 24...every other week...for 4 months.  Surgery may follow after chemo is completed.  If I stay on schedule with no delays/extensions, my last round will occur shortly after my birthday.  I'm ready to celebrate!

Stage 3

3 - The number that Cole and I share as our favorite!  So I wasn't surprised when Dr. Barton told me it was Stage 3 breast cancer.

Thank you all once again for all of your kind words, thoughts, prayers, and love!!!  Thank you to all that reached out to me sharing your stories.  Thanks to all of Cole's coworkers for understanding the situation he is in and for supporting him.  Thanks to my friends and family for everything, but especially for the encouragement and smiles when you see me.

I believe Old Man Winter knew I wasn't going to be able to spend much time in school with my students the week of March 2.  I was actually grateful for the 3 two hour delays and early dismissal.  Not so happy about the day off.

Thursday, March 5, 2015:  I was so excited to get up in the morning and go to school for the first time that week!  My phone rang at 5:16 AM and I knew I was going to be upset when I heard "Good morning.  This is Richard W. Fry, superintendent of the the Big Spring School District.  Today is Thursday, March 5.  Due to the..."  I hung up.  I then saw the text from abc27 showing our district was closed.  I was super bummed!  I love dress down days, but I was so excited to wear dress clothes and to go to school for the first time that week.  

I have a greater appreciation for those that are diabetic.  I was not permitted to have sugar or carbs this entire day.  Temptation lurked everywhere in our home.  Being at school would have certainly helped.  The shakes and weakness set in by late afternoon and were still present when I awoke the next morning.

Friday, March 6, 2015:  I scheduled a full day off, but I was determined to get through my PET scan and get to school by lunch.  

I arrived at Tristan in Harrisburg around 7:15 and the technician took me to another room for the nuclear medicine injection soon after I arrived.  Cole was able to go with me for this, but had to leave when  I was ordered to sit in a recliner...with my feet up (so I wasn't tempted to rock)...in a dark room...by myself...with nothing to do...for 45 minutes!!  Sounds like a dream for most people, right?  But if you know me, I can't sit still for 10 minutes!  It was nearly torture for me to sit still for that long.  I was so relieved when Randy, my technician, came to get me for the scan.  

I left Tristan knowing nothing.  This was the scan I feared most.  Not the scan itself, but the results.  It was Friday and I knew it was going to be a long weekend.

On a good note, I met my goal!  I teared up when I pulled into the parking lot.  I walked into school around 11:30 right before my class went to lunch.  It felt so great to be back in school!  The kids were so surprised, yet extremely happy to see me!

Monday, March 9, 2015:  I was finally back in school for a full day!  

I waited most of the day for a phone call from someone to give me results from my PET scan.  I couldn't wait any longer.  I called Apryl at 1:58 that afternoon and unfortunately, I had to leave a message.  I asked for confirmation of my MRI biopsy scheduled for Tuesday and results of my PET scan.  She called back and left a message giving my information of my MRI only.  Not one word about my scan.  I panicked.  I called her back immediately and had to leave another message.  She called me back after 3:00 and she could not give me any information about the scan.  She simply told me that when I met with Dr. Barton on Friday she would go over all of my tests results, the PET scan included.  My heart dropped and another "moment" quickly set in, the tears rolling down my face.  I just knew that when she couldn't give me any information and she said that Dr. Barton would talk with me about all of the results, it wasn't going to be good news.  Apryl said "OK?"  I said, "No, it's not ok and I'm not going to make it to Friday.  I need to know something, good or bad, and I need to know now.  I'm not ok leaving this conversation this way."  Dr. Barton called me back and told me that the PET scan revealed "2 more spots - 1 above and 1 below my clavicle".  With the tumor in the breast tissue in my armpit, the spot on my right breast (which at this time was unknown if that was cancerous or not), and now these 2 spots, she diagnosed me with stage 3 breast cancer.  I was devastated.  I also felt relief because it could have been worse.  It wasn't in my lungs, or my ovaries, or my colon, or my...  It could always be worse!

As I spoke with Dr. Barton, she informed me that she is no longer thinking that surgery is the treatment plan.  She's leaning toward chemo but will have that confirmed, or not, during the cancer conference on Wednesday.  Monday night was a rough night.  Many moments.  Not much sleep.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015:  Another day, another procedure.  I was given some information from a friend about how this MRI biopsy would go.  It did not sound pleasant.  But, it had to be done and I was ready for whatever it was.  Thank goodness needles do not bother me!
I followed the technician, Laurie, my newest friend in this process, down the long hallway to a waiting room.  Another technician (I feel so bad that I don't remember her name - I'm trying so hard to remember everyone's name on this journey because everyone has been nothing short of wonderful!) came in to give me my IV needle, the fourth one in a week and a half, for the contrast to be injected into during the MRI.  Laurie talked me through the entire process and then Dr. H came in and talked me through the entire process again.  Shortly thereafter, I laid face down on the table for the MRI to begin.  For those familiar with this process, I will give you the compressed version of the story - and yes, that's a play on words!  I was compressed alright!  But just the right one!
I will spare the details of this procedure as some of you may not be able to handle me telling you where they numbed me, where the needle was put in (twice), and from where they took the biopsy.  But honestly, it didn't hurt.  I truly only felt that little pinch from the needle to numb me.  I can tell you that after having a procedure like this done, only then do you realize how many bumps are in the roads, literally!
During this procedure, Laurie asked me what I was going to do the rest of the day.  I teared up when I told her all I wanted to do was go to school.  She asked what I did at school and was very intrigued when I told her I was a first grade teacher.  I cried when I told her how much I missed my students.
3 hours after going back that hallway, I walked out to the waiting room where Cole was waiting for me.  The doctor told me that someone would most likely call me the next day with the results.  This was one of a few times that I thought negatively.  I was convinced that this biopsy would also test positive for cancer.  Time would soon tell.
I met another goal!  I surprised many people when I walked into school.  My students were surprised to see me again when I met them at the cafeteria after lunch.  I love seeing their faces light up!  My student teacher was at a job fair on this day so I got to teach that afternoon.  I cannot even begin to describe how great it felt to be back in front of them in my classroom!!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015:  I was back in school for another full day!  What a great feeling!  The day was going well and then my phone rang.  It was a doctor giving me the results from my biopsy.  More bad news.  It tested positive for cancer.  Fortunately, I was prepared for this news.  My world didn't come crashing down as hard as it had before.  I still cried.  I spent the next 45 minutes in a small room with a dear friend just talking about it all.  I told her that for the first time since this all started, I felt angry at the whole situation.  How dare this "stuff" invade my body!?!  It's just another emotion that you go through on this ride.

Many people know about the shoulder, neck, and arm pain that I have had for the past 3 and a half years or so.  With this diagnosis, the location of the cancer, and the information I'm given, I see a huge connection to this pain and the cancer.  The size of the tumor in my armpit indicates that it has been growing for quite some time.  With this being said, I have gathered all doctors' reports and films, including 3 MRIs from Walnut Bottom Radiology which will never receive my business again.  I'm spreading the word about their misreadings as I do not wish for anyone to have to go through what I am going through.  I didn't spread the word about how awful my "doctor" (using this word loosely as he does not deserve that title for the way he treated my family and myself, his patient) was at John's Hopkins and I will not make that mistake again.  Dr. Barton told me that my mammograms and sonograms from Walnut Bottom Radiology were recorded as normal.  Because this was the information Dr. Barton received, I was not a patient that needed to be seen immediately.  Had the results shown abnormalities, I would have been seen sooner.  As soon as Dr. Barton did the sonogram during my first visit, she said, "Your results from Walnut Bottom all said that this is normal.  What I see is very abnormal."  Dr. Barton is reviewing my past medical records and MRIs.  I pray that nothing shows up on those MRIs that I had done over the past couple of years.  But if it does...

I now anxiously await for Friday at 8:00.  That's when I meet with my surgeon, Dr. Barton, to find out all of the test results, have another biopsy or 2 (the spots near my clavicle), and learn about my treatment plan.  I'm nervous as hell, but anxious as can be.  I look forward to the journey of the royal ass-kicking!

The "Big Reveal": An Unusual Case - Go Figure!

I want to begin this post by thanking everyone for your phone calls, texts, messages, gifts, flowers, cards, hugs, kisses, but mostly the love, positive thoughts, and prayers!  All of which helped me through some very tough moments!  I read your messages, texts, and responses many times!  I still do and I know I will continue to look at them as my journey continues.  I seriously cannot thank all of you enough!

A huge shout out to my surgeon, Dr. Barton, and everyone I have had contact with in her office and Pinnacle Health!  Apryl, my "go to girl", is amazing!  I finally had the opportunity to meet her today!  Everyone has been absolutely wonderful and so efficient with their communication!

One of the last phone calls I had from my doctor's office was a call telling me that the biopsy tested positive for so many things indicating a certainty of breast cancer.  I began to prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best.  

I would like to insert my diagnosis here, but it's not a simple one.  As with what seems to be all of my past health history, I am faced with an "unusual" situation.  All of my biopsy results indicated breast cancer.  My MRI indicated no breast cancer.  It's very difficult to make a very long story short...

Monday, March 2, 2015 - I had an MRI done on this day to help determine the source of the cancer, how much and where the cancer is in my breast(s).

Tuesday, March 3, 2015 - I was scheduled for a CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis and a bone scan.  I was injected with "nuclear medicine" for my bone scan.  Cole, who works at Three Mile Island, and I had some laughs with the technicians about that one!  The technician came to the waiting room to inform me that since I had a reaction to a previous CAT scan, I would not be able to receive my scan that day.  I needed to be pre-treated in order to receive it.  I told her it was just a rash...on my stomach only...in 1997!!!  I wanted it done and did not want to have to take steroids in order to prevent another reaction and I certainly did not want to have to wait once again to have something done!  Frustration set in for Cole and I, but I understood and had to do what I had to do.  

After receiving the nuclear medicine via IV needle, you have to wait approximately 2 and a half hours for it to settle into your bones.  Fortunately, since I wasn't able to eat prior to the CT scan, I was now able to eat without it affecting my bone scan.  Cole and I went to a diner to get some breakfast.  The waitress was obviously having a rough morning and things were put into perspective even more for me.  I just wanted to ask her to sit down for a minute with me and tell her how much worse things could be.  Instead, I said a silent prayer for her and hoped her day got better.

As soon as we got in the car to go back to Tristan Radiology, my phone rang.  My surgeon had canceled the CT scan and was now requesting a PET scan.  They wanted to know what time suited me best.  I was hoping to have it done that day of course, but with the preparation requirements (diet and fasting), I was not able to do so.  It is scheduled for this Friday morning.

We returned for my bone scan.  Dressed in my street clothes, the technician asked if I had any coins or keys in my pockets.  I said no and she asked me to lie on the table for the scan.  I hesitated and asked where my scrubs were.  She said there's no need for them for this scan.  Wow!  These are the little things that I haven't read or heard about.  It's true!  It's the little things that can really make you smile!

During the bone scan, one of the technicians told me that she would see me again this Friday morning for my PET scan.  I was relieved that it would be the same technicians as they are amazing!  Shout out to Robin and Maria!!!  I was even more relieved walking back to the waiting room to meet Cole when Robin said, "I'm not a doctor and I can't give you the official results.  But I've seen the results from some scans and your's looks good."  Whew!  Again, I took it for what it was worth, but it was awesome to hear some good news for a change.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015 - TODAY  - My version of what was told to me without using the fancy terminology!

I am proud to say that I did not shed one tear during this appointment.  I went in expecting the worst and was as prepared as I could be for what she may have to tell me.  

She was very upbeat and positive as she told me that everything on my biopsy indicated breast cancer, but nothing on my MRI indicated breast cancer.  She did find a spot on my right breast that could be "something", but she honestly doesn't think it is anything to be worried about.  But because of the cancer sack, she doesn't want to take any chances.  I will have an MRI guided biopsy done of that spot.  She said I have an unusual case and she will be presenting it at a cancer conference she is attending in a week.  I have a cancer sack that is not my lymph nodes.  Cancer is not present in my breasts from what she has seen so far!  Woo hoo!!!  The PET scan will reveal more and if there is cancer present anywhere else in my body.  

My diagnosis is mucinous carcinoma.  It is a form of breast cancer, but a very uncommon form.  This mass has most likely been slowly growing for quite some time.  Most of the medical staff seem very surprised when I answer their question of "How big would you describe the mass to be?"  with "the size of a peach pit".  My surgeon says that I am not joking.  She says it's bigger than that.

As of now, I am scheduled for surgery to remove the mass.  She will be discussing my case with other doctors at the cancer conference next week to see what suggestions other doctors have due to this being an unusual case.  At this time, I am not slated for chemotherapy as she does not feel this is the best approach.  With that being said, other doctors may give her more information that indicate differently.  She wanted to get the surgery scheduled now so I don't have to wait longer if surgery is the route to go.  It's scheduled and can be canceled if need be.  The cancer sack is fortunately not located near any of my veins.  It is however located right next to nerves, which means there is a high risk of nerve damage with the surgery.  Her hopes are to be able to remove the cancer with no injury to the nerves.  If she fears that she may injure them, she would remove as much of the cancer as she can and I would be treated with chemotherapy to remove the remaining cancer.  There are several options, but she has chosen surgery as the best for now.  She will be reaffirmed at the cancer conference or lead in a new direction.  I will find out next Friday.  Yes, Friday the 13th.  I am not superstitious!  

I love her upbeat personality, her positive thoughts, her desire for teamwork, her communication..so much to like about her!  I completely trust her and am praying for her guidance as she works to find the best solution for my "unusual case".

I have had some pain, discomfort, numbness, and tingling the past couple of days but it's certainly nothing I can't handle and is nowhere near the pain level I have had in the past associated with Hirschsprungs.  

I'm still not out of the woods, but feel I am at the edge of the forest!  I told you cancer picked the wrong person to mess with!  Cancer - be prepared for an @$$-kicking like you have never seen!  I will win!  I'm already proving that!

My journey continues and at this point in time, it looks very positive.  I continue to be realistic without getting my hopes up too high.  Even more importantly, I remain positive, oh so positive!  Again, I thank you all so very much for everything and for being on this journey with me!  It means more to me than you will ever know!  Love to you all!

Today is March 4th and I will march forth!!!